


La Primavera

by luxpermanet



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Character Study, F/M, M/M, Male Slash, Other, POV Male Character, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-04
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2017-12-22 10:02:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/911917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luxpermanet/pseuds/luxpermanet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On Valentine's Day, Levi decides that he wants to want things: wants to want to fall in love, to be exact. He educates himself by observing others, going to counselling, and studying his notes at the end of each self-imposed course. And then he meets Erwin Smith.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Today is Valentine's Day

“—so, what can philosophy tell us about love? If common sense alone is enough to make us well-aware of the difference between erotic and filial love, what else can we glean from the wisdom of the ancient and the modern philosophers? More importantly, why should we even study love?”

 

Levi zones out at that moment, choosing instead to pick at semi-invisible (just because other people can’t see them doesn’t mean they don’t exist) lint balls on his sweater. It’s soft, buttery in colour, and made of cashmere—a random present from Petra, who had grown tired of his staple black cable knits and crisp white dress shirts with matching cravats. _“There’s more to life than black, white and more black, Levi,”_ she’d said kindly. _“You’ve got to think of pleasant things like sunshine once in awhile.”_

 

But today was Valentine’s Day, and his philosophy professor had decided to begin their course on the philosophy of love to commemorate the occasion. His classmates, who were obviously more interested to discuss eros over philia, kept their phones on their laps, surreptitiously checking every now and then for mushy text messages from a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Gaudy heart-shaped notes in varying shades of red and pink peeked out from the top of people’s notebooks, already creased from being opened and reread over and over. He should have taken Petra’s advice and enrolled in philosophy with her during the previous term instead of overloading on majors. That way, he wouldn’t have had to take the course with a bunch of freshmen who believed in mushy things that made Levi’s skin crawl. He had never really minded the existence of Valentine’s Day, but being in a room full of people who did made him feel positively murderous.

 

Still, the freshmen he was stuck with made for good analysis material.

 

 _Love and common sense do not walk hand in hand,_ he scribbles into his notebook. _Truth be told, love makes me fear for what little common sense people around me have left. Mikasa Ackerman, for example, harbours highly questionable feelings for her (oblivious) adoptive brother, Eren Yeager. Poor Armin Arlelt, forever the third wheel, is stuck in the middle of all this confusion. Neither Yeager nor Ackerman (but I shouldn’t belittle her) seems to be aware that Arlelt is “attracted” (repelled?) to the very outspoken and highly, highly emotional Jean Kirschtein. This is, take note, a bad idea. Why? Kirschtein has the hots for Ackerman, who is, otherwise, too busy with her academics, extracurriculars, and looking over Yeager’s shoulder like a very pretty creeper. Kirschtein says he likes her hair, which, probably not coincidentally, is black. His ex-boyfriend, Marco Bodt, had black hair. Bodt died two years ago in a fraternity hazing. I don’t believe Kirschtein is going to get over that loss any time soon. Poor Armin Arlelt. Not so caught up in this silly love polygon are Reiner Braun, Bertholdt Fubar and Annie Leonhardt. They are, however, caught up in their own problem: a polyamorous relationship. Listen to this: Braun can’t stand Leonhardt. Leonhardt can’t stand Braun. Braun’s in love with Fubar. Fubar has a thing for Leonhardt. Leonhardt does like Fubar, a little bit. Fubar is a pussy for Braun (though he’s generally a pussy, period). So they decide to resolve things with polyamory. It’s a lot crazier than I’m making it sound. On the offside, there are Ymir and Christa Renz. They are lesbian lovers in a happy, healthy relationship. As for me, there’s Petra Ral. Her family took me in after my parents died. She is like a sister to me. She is the only person I love._

He is sorely tempted to incorporate this into one of his papers. Writing school papers are one of the few things he enjoys about university; he spends most of his idle time living inside his own head—putting his thoughts to paper is one of his favourite forms of releasing tension.

 

“I’ve made reservations for the three of us at The Purple Pizzeria tonight,” he hears Armin say. “Just because none of us are in relationships doesn’t mean we shouldn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. I know it sounds cheesy, but I want to celebrate the day of love with the people that are most dear to me.”

 

“Purple Pizzeria?” Eren parrots. “Pizza sounds great, but I don’t think I could stomach purple pizza. But if we’re talking about really fucking great purple pizza—”

 

“Their pizza isn’t purple, Eren,” Mikasa cuts in quietly. “It’s just for the sake of a catchy name. Well, their walls are purple, but that shouldn’t bother you.”

 

Eren pouts. “Couldn’t you be a bit nicer to me, sis? It’s V-Day, after all. And I know you love me.”

 

Levi doesn’t need to be looking at them to be able to measure how thick the tension is. Mikasa will turn away, clearly uncomfortable. Armin will also turn away, feeling sorry for each and every one of them. Eren will sit there, clueless, until something comes along to distract him.

 

“Hey, Kirschtein’s seat has been empty all morning,” Eren notes, confirming Levi’s theory. “Do ya think he’s spending the day by Marco’s grave again? He’s always there on Valentine’s.”

 

Mikasa shrugs. “It’s none of our business, is it? And as far as I know, you dislike him.”

 

“Doesn’t mean I don’t know how to feel sorry for him,” Eren mutters. “He’s an ass, but he loved Marco. And Marco died, and he couldn’t do anything about it. I know how that feels.”

 

Armin sits there, biting his lip, saying nothing. Levi makes another note: _Jean loves Marco. Jean will always love Marco. Jean will never love Armin. It must be depressing, wanting something you cannot have._

“What about you, Levi?” Mikasa suddenly asks. “Who are you celebrating with tonight?”

 

The question catches him off guard. Mikasa Ackerman has always been a bit of a thorn in his side. Levi always found himself competing with her in class, which was not easy because of her sharp mind and excellent instincts, traits he grudgingly admired. Up until the moment he’d learned of her existence, he had been the only prodigy in school.

 

“Valentine’s Day is for dimwits,” he responds scathingly. “I don’t understand why we have to set aside one day each year to give people flowers and candy or make reservations at some ritzy hotel in order to fuck like bunnies. I don’t have anyone to do all that shit with, anyway, and I don’t fucking care.”

 

Mikasa arches an eyebrow. “It amazes me how you don’t seem to want anything at all.”

 

Levi glares at her. He _does_ want things. He wants nothing less than an A+ on each and every one of his term papers. He wants to graduate with a 4.0 average. He wants to leave his last class early today because his dormitory is in need of a good dusting. He wants to meet Petra at six o’clock because she has baked him an apple pie. He wants to die as someone who has contributed a great deal to humanity. But this is not what Mikasa means, and he knows it. So he just sits still and does not speak. He does not want her to know that she is right even if she has probably figured it out by now.

 

He does not speak. Mikasa Ackerman seems satisfied. There is no conversation until even after the bell rings.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

He calls Petra that night. He figures it would be more productive than pacing burn marks into the carpet.

 

“I want to able to want things,” is the first thing he says as soon as she picks up his phone. He had met her earlier in the evening to receive his share of the apple pie, but had been to chicken to speak to her face-to-face. There is silence on the other end of the line; he can almost see her knitting her brows together in confusion.

 

“But you do want things,” she remarks carefully. “You have plenty of goals, Levi.”

 

“Yes, but they all revolve around education, finance and other necessities,” Levi responds stoutly. “Today is Valentine’s Day, but I don’t give a rat’s ass about sitting alone in my dorm room.”

 

“Since when have these things begun to bother you?” Petra asks. “You’ve never given a second thought to things such as dating. May I ask what brought this on?”

 

Levi nibbles on the tip of his pen. He’s nervous and he fucking hates it. “A girl in class pointed it out. I realised I didn’t have any material to argue back with. So I just sat there.”

 

“Oh, Levi,” Petra sighs. “You shouldn’t force yourself to look for love just because someone proved you wrong in class. It’s such a wonderful feeling; you shouldn’t spoil it by pursuing it. When you meet the right person, it will come naturally.”

 

“But I don’t know if I _want_ to fall in love.” Levi is insistent. “I’ve never wanted it my whole life. It bothers me because I want to fucking want something on that level. The fact that I don’t—or _can’t_ , fucking shit—seem to want to fall in love really ticks me off.”

 

“You know I love you like a brother, Levi,” Petra says. “I only want the best for you. Unfortunately, I don’t really know if there’s anything I can do to help you achieve what you want this time. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you should see a professional.”

 

Levi stops to think. It’s not a bad idea. Shrinks can be untrustworthy, unhelpful and an utter waste of money, but they know things about how the mind works that the rest of humankind is not privy to.

 

“Alright,” he concedes. “I don’t have enough money to start seeing one of those bigshots with leather couches in their offices, but I can go to the school counsellor. That is, at least, covered by tuition.”

 

“You do that.” He can hear the smile in Petra’s voice. “It’s nice to be able to talk to you about things like this, Levi. I’m glad that you feel like you can open up to me.”

 

“You’re all I have,” he admits. “And right now, you’re the only one I love.”

 

They end their conversation shortly after. Levi opens his journal and scribbles down a few more of his thoughts, wanting to be prepared for his meeting with the counsellor the next day. He thinks of Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean and the rest, wondering how it feels to desire someone so much that the edges of the world as he knows it begin to blur together.

 

 _It’s like colour,_ he decides, flicking away a piece of fuzz from his buttery yellow sweater. _Black, white, black, white, black, black, black, and then colour._   


	2. Levi, Interrupted

He’s beginning to regret signing up for counselling. The school counsellor, Hange Zoe, is an honest-to-goodness madwoman. She’d introduced herself, shaken his hand, and had invited him to sit (she had mismatching chintz chairs instead of the leather couch that Levi secretly wanted to recline upon). Levi had been expecting to be asked something along the lines of, “Tell me what’s bothering you” or even “Tell me what you don’t like about yourself”. Instead, he’d gotten roped into listening to Hange talk about some fucked up imaginary world where creatures called titans roamed the earth and ate people for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It’s so far-fetched and miserable (and a little exciting, he has to admit), but it’s a waste of his time and his head is just about _thisclose_ to exploding—

 

“You have the shortest attention span in the world, don’t you?” Hange suddenly remarks, not looking offended in the least. “And here I was, talking about how _thrilling_ it would be to study titans, if they were real. Sonny and Bean would be nice names, don’t you think?”

 

Levi shrugs. “How should I know? I don’t want anything, apparently.”

 

“Let’s not talk about love,” Hange says casually. “Let’s talk about sex. Have you ever masturbated before?”

 

“Don’t we all?” Levi arches an eyebrow. “I get stiffies—I gotta take care of ‘em, somehow.”

 

“And what do you think about when you masturbate?” Hange asks. She’s making notes on a professional-looking black leather-bound journal. Levi thinks she’s only drawing her imaginary titans.

 

“I don’t really think of anything.”

 

He doesn’t. He wakes up in the mornings, detects a boner beneath his sheets, and jacks off until he comes. It’s a very utilitarian task. He finds very little pleasure in it. Hange’s expression is nearly inscrutable upon hearing the admission.

 

“Well, you’re a very fascinating character, Levi,” she declares. “I’m glad I have the opportunity to work with you. For one thing, I don’t think you’re ill. I just think you lack the means to properly connect with your emotions. What we need—no, what _you_ need—to discover is that missing link.”

 

“Like, find the cause that makes me want to jack off?”

 

Hange smirks at him. “Exactly. That’s the first thing I want you to do: experiment with wank material. If porno mags—straight, gay, whatever—don’t do it, then feel free to think out of the box. If you find yourself getting into kinkier things, then don’t let that stop you.”

 

“You’re an odd sort of school counsellor,” Levi remarks, wrinkling his nose. “I came in here expecting to be fed all sorts of psychological bullcrap. It’s a nice change.”

 

“You are officially my newfound favourite lab rat!” Hange says cheerfully. “And I don’t see any reason to prolong this session any longer now that I’ve given you your homework. Don’t forget to jack off to your heart’s content before you come and see me again, little Levi!”

 

Levi snorts. “I am not little. But note that I will take your assignment seriously.”

 

He closes the door behind him, leaving the mad scientist to her privy. Their session did not provide him with any sudden epiphanies, but it was nice to have a step-by-step procedure to go by. He was, by default, careful about everything that he did. It would not be advisable to mess up this little pet project in any way.

 

“—if you ask me, I think it’s stupid to run after a guy who would much rather mourn the dead than look to the living. Can’t Armin see he’s just wasting his time?”

 

“It would be sad if he did, though,” Levi hears Christa say. “It’s nice to have someone who could possibly love you, even if it takes awhile for you to notice it.”

 

“Oh, you sweet girl. I love you so much, you know?”

 

He looks away when Ymir leans down to kiss Christa’s forehead. He had always regarded their relationship with a little more respect as opposed to the others’, seeing in it a purity that never ceased to amaze him. If falling in love meant having someone he could share a genuine connection with, he would willingly pursue it. For now, he was content to observe and experiment.

 

“Oh, hello, Levi,” Christa greets him warmly. “Did you just come from Ms. Hange’s office?”

 

“Yeah,” he grunts. “I’m dealing with some pressing issues that I can’t seem to handle alone.”

 

Christa squeezes his shoulder in comfort. She has never been afraid of touching him, which still puzzles Levi to this day. “I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better soon.”

 

“Oh, it’s nothing of the tragic sort,” he says matter-of-factly. “I just want to want to fall in love.”

 

Ymir snorts. “What have you been smoking, kid? I’d love to have me some of that!”

 

“Ymir!” Christa glares at her. “Can’t you see he’s serious? I don’t think Levi would joke about things like this. In fact, I don’t think Levi would ever joke about anything at all.”

 

“Your fair lady’s right, Ymir,” Levi says dryly. “I’m not fucking joking. I want to want to fall in love, and I have no idea how to fucking go about it. If you could provide me some assistance, it would be great.”

 

“I don’t think you can want to want to fall in love—what a fucking mouthful—if you haven’t found your person,” Ymir replies. “Maybe some people just wake up one day and decide they want to fall in love, but it never was the case for me. I can’t imagine wanting to be in love with someone who’s not Christa.”

 

Levi whips out his notebook. “I’ll take that into account. Are you referring to what other people refer to as, ‘The One’?”

 

“In cheesier terms, that’s basically it.” Ymir arches an eyebrow at the sight of his notebook. “Are you really going to write all of this down?”

 

“I gotta stay organised,” Levi says defensively. “If I don’t write this down, I’m going to forget it and end up screwing my procedure over.”

 

“That is, er, very technical of you, Levi,” Christa blinks. “But if I may make a suggestion, I think you should just relax and allow things to fall into place. You don’t have to try so hard.”

 

Levi shrugs. “Well, my ‘one true love’ isn’t just going to fall into my lap, that’s for certain. Waiting is fucking hard—I wish I didn’t have to do it at all.”

 

He realises then that he’s just spewed out a mouthful, so he tries his best to politely excuse himself. Ymir shrugs and waves him on, but he can still feel the weight of Christa Renz’s concerned gaze on his shoulder as he walks away.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Masturbation, for Levi, has always been a means to an end. He wakes up in the morning, sees his morning wood, and wraps his hand around it, jerking himself with quick, rhythmic strokes. He doesn’t cry out or tremble when he climaxes; he meticulously cleans himself off (cum is sticky and disgusting) and makes a beeline for the shower. Tonight, he has five porno mags open in front of him, and a DVD of some housewife porn playing on the telly.

 

It has been ten minutes. His dick is still limp in his hand.

 

“It’s not working, Kirschtein!” he hollers. “How does one even react to such stupidity? What’s so great about pizza delivery men fucking some uncaring rich guy’s wife over the kitchen counter?”

 

Jean, who had stared at Levi as if he had grown a second head when the latter had dropped by his dorm room to borrow some porn, cautiously peeks in from the hallway, hand over his eyes.

 

“For your information, I have already zipped up my fly,” Levi drawls. He is practically drenching his hands in isopropyl alcohol. “Please explain how you find such crass material erotic.”

 

“Dude, it’s fucking _porn_ ,” Jean retorts. “It doesn’t have to be pretty. And sex is a pretty darn messy activity, so don’t expect ‘em to be all nice and glowy—that stuff’s for the movies.”

 

“How else can you get a boner, then?” Levi demands. “Or rather, where do you go to find people you may potentially desire on a sexual level?”

 

Jean shakes his head, sniggering. “Basically, you just want to get laid, right? You should’ve said that sooner! C’mon, we’re heading out.”

 

Levi has barely even pulled his coat on when Jean drags him out of his apartment and onto the busy streets of New York. He had never been the type to go out so late at night, especially if going out involved clubbing and getting wasted. He simply could not understand how people could hook up and connect in such dark, cramped places with nothing but strobe lights, loud music and dangerous, colourful drinks.

 

“Did you meet Marco at a club?” he asks.

 

Jean tenses, visibly, but does not strike out. “I didn’t. I met him at school. The problem was that the people I hung out with—my old fraternity—did. I was a freshman, and I wanted to fit in and secure a good position in the student body. And as much as I loved Marco, I wanted to enjoy myself, too. I wanted to be able to go drinking, go partying while I was still young enough to do so. When I got him to come along to these places, we’d always fight. I just didn’t think that he’d…that he’d wanted to understand this part of my life so bad that he’d sign up for the frat.”

 

“Were you there? Were you there on the night of the hazing?”

 

“No. He never told me thing. I just thought he had been out sick that time. Imagine how I felt when the university chancellor announced his passing at a school assembly the very next day.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Levi says quietly. “You must have loved him.”

 

“He was my life.” Jean chokes back a sad laugh. “But I never really understood that until I lost him.”

 

Levi doesn’t catch the name of the club. All Jean had to do to get them in was to flash an ID at the bouncer. Once inside, Levi’s skin starts to crawl; it’s not as bad as he imagined it to be—the people smell like they have bathed, at least—but it’s still an environment that is alien to him.

 

“Oi, Jean!” Eren Yeager waves them over. “You’re late!”

 

“Can it, pipsqueak,” Jean glares at him. “I invited Levi along; I’m trying to convince him to live a little.”

 

“I never thought I’d live to see the day that you would willingly walk into a nightclub, Levi.” Reiner Braun salutes him with a pint of beer. “Is this still part of your latest pet project? Everyone’s got a pretty good idea of what you’re up to, y’know.”

 

“It’s not a big secret.” Levi hauls himself up—with a little difficulty, short as he is—onto a bar stool. “The more information I can gather, the better.”

 

“Well, there are plenty of fine specimens for you to experiment with tonight!” Jean declares, gesturing to the multitude of partygoers. “It doesn’t have to be anything serious to start with. A nice blowjob usually does the trick—bonus points if you get to take someone home. Or vice-versa.”

 

Mikasa sniffs. “All you men ever think about is sex. Don’t you ever get bored?”

 

Jean casually rests his arm on the back of her chair. “Allow me to reason with you, Miss Ackerman. We’re youthful, emotional and full off pent-up stress—surely sex or even just thoughts concerning sex can be considered a valid means of channelling such frustration?”

 

“I think you’ve just painted a very clear picture of yourself, Jean,” Mikasa replies, moving away from him. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to use the bathroom.”

 

“You aren’t getting any sympathy from her, that’s certain,” Annie Leonhardt says dryly. “Perhaps it would be best for you to shift your attention elsewhere, Kirschtein.”

 

Levi turns to look at Armin, who has been silent the entire time. Sometimes, he’s afraid that something in the kid will just snap. Poor Armin Arlelt always acts as if he’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulder. Then again, Jean is oblivious. If Armin continues to behave like a porcelain doll in his presence, then he would never notice a thing.

 

Whatever. Levi’s not here to worry about them—he’s here for himself. And if alcohol will drown out their petty bickering, then he will have all that he can.

 

“I’ll have another one of these,” he tells the bartender, pushing his empty glass of whatever the hell he’d just downed across the bar surface. The night is young, after all.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Twelve glasses of Tequila Sunrise—mixed drinks had such funny names—later, Levi finds himself staggering into the men’s room for a much needed piss. The rest of his companions are nowhere to be found. He suspects that some of them have gone on home and the rest have found their way into other people’s pants. Last time he’d seen Reiner, the large man had been devouring Bertholdt in a corner of the club. Jean, of course, had been holding court with some of the more popular folks from school.

 

The cool tile of the restroom walls feels fantastic against his sweaty skin. He’d gleaned nothing from sitting at the bar all night. After this, he would find his way out of this hovel and go on home.

 

“—fuck, _fuck_. Yeah, that’s it…oh yeah—I didn’t think you’d be so good at giving head, pretty boy.”  

 

Levi shakes his head. He’d had enough of people chewing each other’s body parts off for one night. He shut off the sink and let the door swing shut behind him, loud enough to alert the bloody exhibitionists that anyone could enter at any time. He slumps against the wall, attempting to steady himself. He curses his low tolerance; he wishes he’d stopped after three drinks.

 

“Fuck,” he grunts. “I’m not going to be able to go home like this.”

 

He decides to sneak into one of the VIP rooms for a short nap. As soon as he manages to get himself sorted out, he can get back on his feet and make it back in time for another short nap. It’s a school day tomorrow, and he can’t afford to miss out on any lectures if he wants to graduate with that 4.0.

 

The first room he finds is, thankfully, empty. He drops down onto one of the plush sofas and nuzzles into the fabric, feeling much better than he has been all night.

 

“Just five minutes,” he murmurs to himself. “Just five fucking minutes…”

 

He falls asleep in a matter of seconds.  


	3. The Extra One-Hundred and Thirty Seconds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, Sunday's update! It's quite humbling to know that a few of you are enjoying this, so I am more than glad to continue the story. This week, I have for you, the moment you may have been waiting for. 
> 
> Cheers!

If there was anything that Levi loved, it was the scent of freshly-laundered sheets. The dormitory lifestyle had him doing his own laundry, which was perfectly alright with him because he didn’t trust anyone enough to allow them to handle his clothes. His bed linens, however, always went straight to the drycleaners. Laundry service didn’t always come cheap, but he had never regretted it. Sighing, he rolled over onto his stomach and buried his face into the pillowcase—

 

 _Huh_.

 

This wasn’t the detergent the cleaners he frequented used. He’s smelled this brand in a grocery before, and it was not something he could afford with his allowance.  Suspicious, he opens his eyes and bolts upright in what seems to be a bed with an obscenely soft mattress.

 

“I trust you’ve had a good rest?”

 

Levi’s eyes rivet across the room in surprise. A tall blond man dressed to the nines in a perfectly pressed designer suit is lounging on a chaise that looks about seventy times more expensive than the pillow Levi is presently clutching to his chest.

 

“…did you fucking _kidnap_ me?” he blurts out.

 

The man stares at him for a moment, then turns away, chuckling softly. Everything about him screams “polite”; Levi almost can’t stomach it.

 

“I suppose I can be charged of such a crime. I did bring you into my home without your consent, after all. Still, there was little else I could do. You waltzed right into my friend’s bachelor party and collapsed onto the sofa like a deadweight drunk. I couldn’t just leave you.”

 

“So the room wasn’t empty, then,” Levi remarks thoughtfully. “I thought it was. It was rather dark and quiet, so I figured I could take a nap.”

 

“Oh, that was because you walked in at the worst possible moment.” The man smiles benignly at him. “His fiancée decided to make a surprise appearance. She’d even had a Vegas showgirl costume made for the occasion. Unfortunately, she went onstage while the real entertainment for the night was giving her husband-to-be a rather… _lewd_ lap dance. It was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop.”

 

“And then _I_ walked in?” Levi asks pointedly.

 

“And then you walked in,” the man confirms. “The party wrapped up rather quickly after that little incident, so I ended up looking after your welfare.”

 

Levi coughs. “I suppose I should thank you. I should also be getting out of your hair because it’s a school day today and I am running late.”

 

“Use the shower and have some breakfast first, though.” The man gets to his feet. “The _en suite_ bathroom is on the door to your left, and breakfast will be served in half an hour. I will take you to your university myself; I need to leave for a meeting, anyway.”

 

He leaves the room without as much as a warning, giving Levi no time to argue. The boy decides that it would be impolite to look a gift horse in the mouth, so he dutifully trots off to the bathroom and tries to resist making use of all the scented shampoos and soaps on display. He’s stayed in hotels before, but none of them had six different scents available for a guest’s use. He wishes he could get some clean clothes right away, but it will all have to wait until he reaches the dormitory. Petra will probably shred him to pieces the next time she sees him. He completely missed last night’s phone call and hasn’t sent any return text messages as he’d decided against bringing his phone to the club.

 

A knock on the door comes just as he’s given up on his cravat. It’s horribly wrinkled and stained with beer. Levi will never quite forgive himself for it. “…come in?”

 

“Your breakfast, sir.” A legitimate, honest-to-goodness (at least, this is how he appears to Levi) deposits a silver tray on the vanity table. He bows once—quickly—and leaves Levi to his privy. Levi wastes no time in investigating the contents of a typical rich man’s breakfast: a Croque Madame, two soft-boiled eggs, a plate of fruit, and orange juice. The hunger pangs that have been plaguing him since the night before (clubbing has led him to realise that he absolutely _abhors_ “bar chow”) kick in, and he pretends he does not devour the food like a starving street urchin. He’s just licking the remnants of the kiwi off his lips when tall, blond and annoyingly good-looking peeks in on him.

 

“Ready to go?”

 

Levi stands up. “Yes. You have my gratitude for the provided breakfast.”

 

Blondie laughs. “I swear you are sixteen going on sixty. Don’t mention it; you are a guest in my home, and I will see to it that you are treated as such. I just thought you—oh, what happened to your cravat?”

 

“Clubbing happened to it,” Levi replies icily. “Now I will have to purchase a new one.”

 

He doesn’t really have to as he’s got several in his closet. However, he did like this particular one a little more than he liked the rest.

 

“You can’t go to school with a stained cravat, can you?” Annoyingly Handsome Human reaches out to slip the ruined cravat free of his neck. “Here, have this instead.”

 

To Levi’s surprise, Blondie removes his own scarf and tucks it around Levi’s neck. It’s a deep blue in colour, and the fabric is pleasantly warm. He tries very hard not to flush under Mr. Perfect’s gaze.

 

“Blue is a beautiful colour on you.”

 

Levi barely has any time to digest what had just happened. The next thing he knows, he’s in the passenger seat of a black Maserati being whisked off to school.

 

“I know you go to Trost because I saw your school ID in your wallet,” Blondie explains. “I’m sorry if this is a breach of your privacy; I just needed to have a good idea as to who it was I was bringing home.”

 

Levi shrugs. It’s not like Blondie had any ill intentions or anything, so it doesn’t bother him. He mentions this to his companion, who laughs and actually reaches out to ruffle his hair.

 

“Hands on the wheel and eyes on the road, blonde!” Levi growls. “We could’ve died.”

 

“How much time do you actually spend in moving vehicles, my good sir?” Blondie asks, grinning. “And if it pleases you—it would me—you can call me by my name. It’s Erwin. Erwin Smith.”

 

Erwin Smith. Levi’s pretty sure he’s heard that name being used in movies before. It’s the kind of name scriptwriters give to tall, dashing, heroic protagonists who always manage to save the day.

 

“Levi. That’s my name, I mean.”

 

“Oh, I know. I saw it on your ID card. You have quite the frown, young man.”

 

“This is my normal everyday face,” Levi grunts. “My adoptive sister says I should smile more often, but when I try to do so on command, it very much resembles a painful grimace. So I don’t.”

 

“If you had a rough time growing up, I won’t take that against you,” Smith says. “I do hope you find something to smile about someday, though. You can’t go on living in anger. Life’s too short.”

 

“Tell me about yours, then.” Levi gestures toward the red light. “We have an extra one-hundred and thirty seconds to spare in each other’s company.”

 

Smith rests his hands on the steering wheel. They are large, but his fingers are long and graceful, and his nails clipped short and neat. Levi wonders if he’s got any callouses.

 

“I do just fine most of the time. What troubles me is that my life doesn’t feel like my own. I have a tough job, you see. It involves some heavy decision making, and these decisions don’t just affect me. It’s easy to be a leader, but it takes time to become a good one.”

 

It’s obscure as obscure can get, but Levi doesn’t begrudge him that. He’s a rich man, and rich men have tons of secrets. Levi can roll with that.

 

“Well, you don’t look like the type of person who makes shitty decisions,” he says quietly. “I mean, you fed and sheltered some sloshed kid who walked into your friend’s bachelor party. Many people would have just left me for dead. Or called the cops or, if I had any, my parents. But you didn’t. You went out of your way to be kind to a complete stranger.”

 

Erwin Smith is staring at him with some sort of wonderment in his (perfectly blue) eyes. Levi has never quite had anyone look at him in such a way before. Smith smiles, shakes his head and reaches out to ruffle his hair. “I’ve never met anyone like you before. I swear to God, you are simply a breath of fresh air in this ridiculously polluted city. You’re amazing.”

 

Levi flushes under the attention. People have praised him before, yes. He has been called ‘smart’, ‘intelligent’, ‘brilliant’ and all such permutations and synonyms of the damned word.  No one has ever gone quite as far as to call him ‘amazing’. And no one who is not Petra Ral has ever, _ever_ been brave enough to ruffle his hair (twice!) before. Before he can think up a reaction, the light goes green, and Smith remove his hands from Levi’s hair. Self-conscious, he immediately begins patting down his hair.

 

The remainder of the ride is quiet. Erwin Smith does not look at Levi again until they pull up in front of the university gates. Before Levi alights, Smith puts a hand on his shoulder.

 

“I guess this is farewell.”

 

Levi nods. “I guess it is.” He unwinds the scarf from around his neck. “Here.”

 

Smith shakes his head. “Keep it. A little something to remember me by.”

 

“But this is expensive!” Levi argues, flustered. “I couldn’t possibly—”

 

“Levi.” Smith chastises him. “Just say thank you.”

 

“I—but I…oh _fuck_. Thank you?”

 

“You’re welcome. Goodbye, Levi.”

 

Levi stays rooted to his spot. He doesn’t move to enter the dormitories until Erwin Smith’s car is completely out of sight. 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

He makes his appearance around lunchtime. What remained of the morning had him listening to a raging Petra over the phone and making notes on last night’s horrid experiment. Horseface Kirschtein is the first to approach him, shamefaced and apologetic. “I’m so, so sorry about last night, man! You see, I, uhm, got a little busy, so I lost track of you. If it’s any consolation, I woke up half-naked on someone’s front lawn.”

 

Levi wrinkles his nose. “Disgusting. Please do not expound any further on your experience. There was no harm done, anyway. A nice man provided some assistance by letting me crash at his place after last night’s debacle, so all is well.”

 

“Did you get down and dirty with said nice man?” Jean asks, brows wiggling suggestively.

 

“Of course not.” Levi sniffs. “Unlike you, I do not exhibit such uncouth behaviour.”

 

Eren frowns. “Who uses ‘uncouth’ in normal, day-to-day conversations?”

 

“Levi does, apparently.” Mikasa rolls her eyes. “But you’re not the only one to make a late appearance. Or a _non-appearance_ , rather. Armin called in this morning. I lost him during the night, too. Eren here was too preoccupied with being his usual irresponsible self.”

 

Jean coughs loudly. “Maybe it was the drinks. Last night’s drink stock was more potent than the usual. Even Reiner had to be dragged home by Bert and Annie.”

 

“I’m never going clubbing again.” Levi scowls. “I think I’m going to look for people to have sex with in safer environments that do not require excessive drinking and making a fool out of one’s self.”

 

“And where on earth can you do that?” Eren rolls his eyes. “The city zoo? If it’s sex you’re looking for, you gotta hit one of ‘em seedy places.” 

 

“Now _you_ are being uncouth.” Mikasa glares at him. “I, for one, am relieved that there was someone kind enough and respectful enough to welcome Levi into his home without harbouring any ill intent.”

 

“You’re no fun, sis!” Eren whines. “The guy was there to get some action, wasn’t he? And he didn’t get any. This is why I feel bad for him. Right, Kirschtein?”

 

“Err, yeah!” Jean is quick to agree. “Yes, yes, of course!”

 

Levi shoots him a look. “Do you even know that you are agreeing with Eren Yeager? Were you so far gone last night that you forgot that you have put it upon yourself to disagree with Eren over every single thing?”

 

“Of course I haven’t!” Jean cries. “I’m just a bit out of sorts today.”

 

Mikasa shakes her head. “If this is what clubbing does to you, then I will just steer clear of things until you all sober up completely. If you’ll excuse me, I have a one o’ clock class.”

 

Levi wishes he had one, too. Unfortunately, his next class is not until four in the afternoon. Eager to escape Eren and Jean, he makes an excuse about having an appointment with Hange and makes a beeline for her office. Fortunately, there is only one student inside her waiting room. Levi doesn’t mind waiting for awhile. He has three hours to spare, and he does not wish to spend it with two whinging grown men.

 

“Back so soon, Levi?” Hange asks cheerfully when he pokes his head into her office. As usual, she doesn’t look like she’s hard at work at all. A bag of Lays and a can of Coke are sitting on her table, and the TV in her office is switched on to CNN. “Has your assignment yielded results worth reporting?”

 

“No,” Levi responds stoutly. “I had a porno on. I had some magazines on the bed. But they yielded no reactions from me. I tried to go clubbing the same night, but that didn’t work out quite well, either. This isn’t what I’m here about, though. Something happened last night, and I need someone to talk to.”

 

“Take a seat then, dear,” Hange invites him. “Hange Zoe is all ears.”

 

Levi takes a deep breath. “I met someone last night—or this morning, rather. He let me sleep off my drunken stupor at his home and took me to school today. We didn’t do anything special. All we did was talk, and it wasn’t even the _talk-talk_ kind of talk. He made me feel seriously uncomfortable because he kept teasing me in this annoyingly gentle manner. He wasn’t afraid to go near me or even touch me. He was just so strange and it bothered me immensely because I have never met anyone like him. Hell, he even gave me this bloody scarf around my neck. He said I should keep it to remember him by.”

 

Hange leans forward, wearing a mischievous look on her face. “And this bothers you because you’ve never felt so ruffled in your life, correct?”

 

“I keep thinking about him!” Levi hisses. “And it is so fucking _bothersome_.”

 

“It sounds like someone has a bit of a crush!” Hange hoots. “What is he like, hmm?”

 

Levi coughs. “I can’t stand how he looks. He’s tall and annoyingly good-looking without a single blond lock out of place. He’s so polite it makes my teeth hurt.”

 

“He sounds like a total dreamboat!” Hange giggles. “It seems to me like you’ve found yourself a real Prince Charming, Cinderella. He might just be the answer to what you’ve been searching for.”

 

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he was a prince,” Levi says sarcastically. “With a name like Erwin Smith, how can you not be someone important?”

 

Hange snorts, causing some softdrink to leak out of her nose. Levi frowns at her in distaste. “Hange, please. You’re making a mess on your desk.”

 

The counsellor flies into a coughing fit. “Err…oh, how on earth do I say this?” She flails in her seat. “Levi, I know Erwin Smith. Nearly everyone in the United States knows Erwin Smith!”

 

“Is he one of those scene people?” Levi asks. “Like Kim Kardashian or whatsherface is like?”

 

“For heaven’s sake, Levi!” Hange is practically screeching. “He’s only one of the most popular newly elected senators of the United States of America! Levi, what the hell?”

 

“What did I do?” Levi exclaims, frustrated. “All I did was lie there! He was the one who took me into his home and... _holy fuck_. He’s a senator. He. Is. A. Bloody. Senator.”

 

Levi is going to strangle himself after school. 


	4. Google is a Dangerous Thing

He shouldn’t have run a search for Senator Smith on Google.

 

He had put all memories he had of Senator Erwin Smith on the back burner after the incident, but the man’s utter _everywhereness_ made it impossible for Levi to stray away for too long. A week later, he’d caved in and had holed up in his dormitory devouring every bit of relevant information the Internet had on Erwin Smith. The senator had graduated _summa cum laude_ from Yale and had topped the bar exam shortly after. Though popular with the liberals due to his left-wing ways, he was not so well-liked by the conservatives for the very same reasons. Some articles had also described him as rather ruthless when it came to lobbying for the causes that he believed in. There had been absolutely no mentions of a wife or children.

 

Still, he was terrifyingly perfect, and it gave Levi the heebie-jeebies.  

 

 _Google is dangerous,_ he writes. _Google searching handsome senators is borderline suicide._

 

Google Images was the worst.  Senator Erwin Smith wore suits as if he was modelling them on a runway. The very sight of it did funny things to Levi’s insides. Three pages into the search, he’d snapped his laptop shut and went off in search of someone ripe for brainpicking. Normally, he’d go visit Petra at her apartment, but her boyfriend was coming over for dinner, and Levi didn’t want to be an eyesore. He also didn’t want to have to claw his eyes out (they were the lovey-dovey sort) after finishing his pot roast. Hange was almost always available for extra counselling, but he wasn’t in the mood to talk to someone who knew about his odd fascination with the senator.

 

“—would it kill you to stop running away from me? It’s been a week, Armin!”

 

Levi groans. Why is it that he always ends up stumbling upon some sort of secret conversation while he’s out seeking answers of his own? Sensing that there was nothing he could do, he pressed himself against the wall, making sure to stay hidden.

 

“That’s because there is nothing to be discussed.” It’s Armin’s voice. He sounds uncharacteristically dejected. “We both had a little too much to drink that night, and we did something stupid. Let’s just forget about it and move on like nothing ever happened.”

 

“But something _did_ happen!” Jean sounds indignant. “You gave me a fucking blowjob in the bathroom of some club. If you were some stranger I’d met in some dark, sleazy backroom, then I could ignore it. However, you are my friend. I have spent sleepless nights wondering if you’re going to hate me for the rest of your life because I fucking _came_ down your throat!”

 

Levi shudders. They must have been the couple who had been up to no good when he had been trying to sort himself out in the bathroom that night. Poor, poor Armin Arlelt.

 

“I’m not traumatised,” Armin says quietly. “We were drunk. People do stupid things when they’re drunk. Can’t we just leave it at that?”

 

“I may be dense, but I’m not stupid,” Jean argues. “Eren and Mikasa like giving me hell because they claim I don’t pay attention to your feelings. Lately, I’ve been watching you—trying to see how you are around me. Please tell me if you’re avoiding me because you like me.”

 

He doesn’t stammer through the sentence. Levi is impressed. He wishes he could peek around the corner to see the look on Armin’s face, but it would totally give his position away.

 

Armin laughs, sounding empty and utterly defeated. “I did like you. I still do, in fact. You can be hurtful and tactless sometimes, but you’ve always been honest and kind to me. People think I’m a crybaby and that I get far more than what I deserve because I’m basically Dot Pixis’ charity case. I don’t come from a wealthy background like most of you.”

 

“Fuck the naysayers, then!” Jean snaps. “You’re smart and hard-working, which are more than valid reasons for you to be here on a scholarship. Some of these kids are just here because their folks are loaded and they have money to throw around, but no one I know studies harder than you do. You _deserve_ to be here, Armin. More than anyone else does.”

 

“Please don’t say things like that to me.” Levi can hear the distinct sound of sniffles. “When you treat me like I’m someone special, I start to hope for things that you can’t ever give to me. I know how much you loved Marco. I know how much you still love him. And it’s okay.”

 

“Armin, he’s gone.”

 

“I know. And I don’t want to feel like I have to compete with someone who is no longer here.”

 

One pair of footsteps slowly shuffles away. Levi has a feeling that Jean is just standing there, eyes glued to Armin’s back as he disappears into the darkness. His own issues forgotten, Levi makes his way back to his room, where he spends hours hovering over a blank page of his notebook, wondering why some people simply cannot hold on to those that they love.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

“…you want to go on a run with me?” Annie Leonhardt is staring at him as if he’d sprouted a set of antlers. “I thought you didn’t like running.”

 

“I’m not too fond of it, yes,” Levi admits. “But I woke up early this morning and felt like running. So here I am asking you if we might perhaps run together.”

 

“Suit yourself.” Annie shrugs. “I don’t see any harm in it.”

 

They are not very close friends, but Annie is content to run at Levi’s speed. For the most part, he has kept himself fit by doing yoga in the evenings, but he needed something a bit more mobile to help clear his muddled thoughts. He had been unable to sleep, yet his energy level was near full that morning. It was odd, having this sense of urgency. While he did not toss and turn to images of the senator, he found himself wondering if their paths would ever cross again. The scarf still hangs from his bedpost, smelling faintly of a rather expensive brand of aftershave.

 

“Are you doing okay?” Levi finds himself asking Annie when they stop for some breakfast. “It must be awfully difficult to be in a relationship with two other people.”

 

Annie snorts derisively. “When we first started out, it was easy. It was all about the sex and the companionship, so it was easy to get lost in the pleasure. Bodies are just bodies, after all—let the right pair of hands go to town on you, and your skin just _sings_. Once you start getting emotional, it’s over.”

 

“Do you want out?”

 

“Not quite yet, but I am close to it. Reiner loves Bert, not me. He and I are both holding on for Bert’s sake, though I do have a nagging suspicion that they can afford to go on without me.”

 

“You aren’t really in love with either of them,” Levi states matter-of-factly.

 

“If I could be in love with someone, it would be Bert,” is Annie’s response. “But as much as I love him—and Reiner, too, to some extent—I’m just not in love with him. The problem is, he is a little bit in love with me, and I don’t know how to let him down without hurting him.”

 

“Well, we all hurt the people we care about at some point,” Levi murmurs, thinking of last night’s episode between Jean and Armin. “It’s best you tell him now before things get too deep.”

 

“What’s gotten into you all of a sudden?” Annie asks, sounding genuinely curious. “Once upon a time, you wouldn’t have given a rat’s ass about other people’s welfare.”

 

“It’s because I might have discovered that I have a potential to want things now,” Levi answers. “My world had shifted. I can’t really explain it.”

 

“It’s nice to see that some people are getting satisfaction out of life. I wish you the best in your research, Levi, odd as it may be.”

 

They part ways shortly after. Annie is determined to go the extra mile while Levi is more than eager to throw in the towel. It’s a Saturday afternoon, and he is looking forward to devoting the rest of his day to his research. After his shower, he stretches out on his bed and flips the telly on, switching from channel to channel in hopes of something that would interest him. A flash of blond hair catches his attention, and he pauses on CNN, where Senator Smith was gazing steadfastly at him with those blue, blue eyes.

 

“—I think it’s fantastic that each state has, to some capacity, an opportunity to act independently of federal laws. There are states that legalise same-sex marriage. There are states—though very few—that legalise cannabis with excellent if-and-only-if provisions. These are indications that some American citizens are prepared to embrace a more open-minded and progressive way of living. But though we are federal states, we should not forget that we remain to be one nation in solidarity. Let us not wait to become victims of terrorism or instigators of war to stand tall as a nation.”

 

Levi shifts, feeling a slight discomfort in his lower extremities. His hand travels south and palms his crotch, surprised to feel the beginnings of an erection. In the background, the senator speaks on, phrase after phrase of well-versed, intelligent thoughts wrapping themselves around Levi like a vice. Sighing, he slips his wandering hand into his boxers and takes himself into hand. He remembers Senator Smith’s hands—large, slightly calloused, warm—and pretends that it is he who is bringing him off while murmuring intellectual nothings into Levi’s ear. He keeps his eye on the telly, distracted by the senator’s easy smile and smooth, cool voice. Inspired, he grabs Smith’s scarf from the bedpost and presses it to his face, drinking in the older man’s scent. That’s all it takes for Levi to lose it; he arches off the bed as he comes, Erwin Smith’s name leaving his lips in a strangled cry.

 

“…fuck,” he moans quietly, ridding himself of the sticky mess with his still-wet towel.

 

The experience had left a strange thrumming sensation in Levi’s body. It was the first time he’d ever masturbated to the sight, sound and smell of another human being. He had tried to arouse himself by the sight of naked men and women on glossy pornographic magazines, but all such images failed in comparison to a fully-clothed Senator Erwin Smith, who had unconsciously stripped Levi of everything that he was before their chance encounter. It was also the moment he’d realised that he couldn’t just let things slide. He _had_ to seek out the senator; he couldn’t just spend the rest of his life thriving on a memory that would fade with time. He wouldn’t crawl into Smith’s bed or anything. After all, Levi was still a student, and Erwin Smith was Erwin Smith. Contact, even in its basest form, would do nicely.

 

But the challenge lay in where to find him. And Levi was no stalker.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

“Since when have you become so interested in politics?” Petra asks, amused. Levi reserves Saturday nights for his dinners with his foster sister, who is always genuinely interested in the goings on in his otherwise boring life. He had, however, decided against telling her about his encounter with Erwin Smith. It was a secret that would stay between Hange and him, and he was determined that it remain that way.

 

“My political science class has me convinced that America, though divided into independent states, should never forget that she is still one nation.” He’s grateful for Senator Smith’s speeches. Truth be told, he is no fan of politics, but the man’s brilliance has drawn him in like a moth to a flame. “It’s an analogy that applies to people, too—united we stand, divided we fall and all that.”

 

“You’ve changed quite a bit in the past two weeks, Levi,” Petra remarks. “You’ve always been driven when it comes to your academics, but I can’t help but notice that your determination is no longer of the cold, hard variety. When you turn me down to hang out with your friends, it actually pleases me—not that you should turn me down all of the time. It’s very healthy to go out there and socialise.”

 

“Yes, well, they’ve been very helpful,” Levi says. “I’ve learned quite a lot from them. These people have people that they are in love with or caught up with, and their stories give me plenty of material to work with. Through them, I’ve discovered that I do have the capacity to seek out love.”

 

“It’s a shame that you still won’t let me set you up,” Petra sighs. “Erd has quite a few friends who wouldn’t be able to resist looking your way.”

 

Levi blanches at the idea. He liked Erd Gin, Petra’s boyfriend, well enough on his own, but the man’s friends were a rowdy bunch, and he really wasn’t into such things. An image of Senator Smith appears in his mind’s eye, unbidden, and he shifts a little. It will do him no good to compare the senator to others. “I believe I will pass on your offer, sister dear. No offense meant to you or your better half, but I think I should seek out potential partners on my own.”

 

“You were always so hard to please,” Petra says with a rueful smile. “Even as a child, you’d always want things arranged in a way that was to your liking. I suppose you would be even more nitpicky when it comes to choosing a love interest.”

 

“—senator, we should really move to a move private dining area if you want to discuss your political reforms in detail. Don’t forget that the media is quite fond of swooping down on you in public.”

 

“Nonsense, Mike. If they want to listen and talk about my plans in tomorrow’s issue of the New York Times, then let them. It’s not like I’m very well-known for keeping secrets from the public.”

 

Ever so slowly, Levi turns in his seat at the sound of the all-too familiar voice. Sure enough, Senator Erwin Smith is making his way towards an empty booth by the one Levi and Petra are occupying, his companion—Mike—trailing in his wake. Levi immediately turns away, not wanting to be caught looking. Smith has the eyesight of a hawk, and Levi has no doubt that he will be noticed. After all, it can be quite difficult to forget the face of the drunken fool one has rescued from a night of depravity.

 

 _Act natural_ , he chides himself. _Act fucking natural_ —

 

He doesn’t. Instead, he excuses himself as calmly as he can muster, and makes a beeline for the bathroom in a burst of cowardice. He really did not want to have a conversation with the man whose image he had just jacked off to. He ducks into one of the stalls and clambers up on the toilet bowl. Luckily, he’s small, so he can fit through the bathroom windows without any difficulty. He is just about to heave himself upwards when the door bursts open, startling him.

 

Erwin Smith is staring at him, looking completely and utterly confused. “…Levi?”

 

Levi stares back, dumbfounded. How on earth is he going to get out of this without looking like a nutcase? 


	5. The Man Who Belonged on Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my Sunday updates have been moved to Tuesday for this week. Work has been criminal, so I haven't found time to sit down with this until today. Hopefully, the developments are worth the wait!
> 
> Thank you for reading, as always. 
> 
> P.S. I'm sorry if you like Justin Bieber.

“I was just…dusting,” Levi says lamely, holding up the wrinkled bit of tissue he had been clutching. There was some measure of truth to it; the window sill had seen better days, and he wasn’t about to risk making skin contact with four months’ worth of dust. “I fucking _hate_ dust. Can’t go within five inches of a mess without wanting to keel over and die.”

 

“I thought as much,” the senator offers with a smile. “Richard—he’s our family butler—informed me that you left the guest room so spic and span that he had nothing left to attend to. Though I do not often house guests who are unable to clean up after themselves, it’s rare that they leave the room looking as if no one had slept in it. You truly are a person of interest.”

 

Levi snorts. “If you find me interesting, you must not know many people, then—which is odd given the fact that you are a politician.”

 

“I see you looked me up on the internet,” Smith remarks. “That or you saw me in the newspaper or on television. I do hope you will always think of me as just Erwin Smith.”

 

Levi flushes. No matter the situation, he can’t ever think of Erwin Smith as just another man. Senator or not, Levi had jacked off to the image of his face and the sound of his voice, which made him feel terribly uncomfortable in the presence of this perfect blond person. “I saw you on the news this morning, actually. I’m not always one to push for unity, but I liked what you said. It was very profound.”

 

“We do what we can for our country, Levi,” Smith says solemnly. “But do remember that in politics, words are just empty promises until ordinary citizens are able to see them in action. And by god, we shouldn’t be having such profound conversations in public restrooms.”

 

“I’ll leave you to your privy, then.” Levi hops off from the toilet lid (it was nice being tall while it lasted) and brushes past the senator without another word. He can’t seem to decide whether he likes or hates crossing paths with this man. Neither of them is purposefully seeking out the other, but fate is a fucking nutjob with so many schemes up her sleeve.  

 

He finds Petra frowning upon his return. Erwin Smith’s companion has taken the seat Levi has vacated, looking way too amused for his own good. “Levi, Mr. Zacharias here was just telling me a story that I would have appreciated coming from your own mouth. What’s this about drunkenly crashing his bachelor’s party and literally falling into a state senator’s lap?”

 

Levi turns to this Mike Zacharias person. “…I fucking fell into _his_ lap?”

 

“I suppose he left you in the dark, chivalrous fellow that he is.” Mike chuckles. “But yes, you crept into the room and did some sort of a belly flop onto the couch. About two minutes later, you got up—probably feeling uncomfortable—and sought out a better resting place. Which happened to be Senator Smith’s lap. He had no idea what to do with you, so he let you stay there until the party broke up.”

 

“Are you still getting married?” Levi asks pointedly. “The senator told me the party came to an abrupt end when your wife-to-be caught you having a little more fun that what is deemed appropriate.”

 

Mike holds up his left hand where a gleaming gold band can be seen on his ring finger. “Just got hitched. She was a bit testy, but she forgave me for it.”

 

Petra sighs. “Just like I forgive Levi for being an irresponsible drunk in a public place.”

 

“You needn’t fret over it.” Erwin Smith appears over Levi’s shoulder. “I took responsibility for the incident and returned him home safe and sound.”

 

“My humblest apologies, Senator Smith,” Petra says wearily. “Levi is usually capable of taking care of himself. It was very generous of you to take care of him.”

 

“He’s a young man,” Smith smiles. “Young people should be allowed to have some fun once in awhile.”

 

Levi shoots him a dirty look. “Don’t fucking talk about me like I’m not here!”

 

“Levi!” Petra gasps. “Don’t be rude to the senator!”

 

But Smith only laughs. “It’s perfectly alright. He’s a rather refreshing sort, if you ask me. And I was the one who made a request for him to treat him just like he would any other man.”

 

Zacharias rises from his seat. “We wouldn’t want to impose on you any further, so Erwin and I will take our leave. We have much to discuss tonight.”

 

“Will I see you again, Levi?” Senator Smith’s eyes are warm, gentle—almost beseeching. Levi tries very hard to swallow the lump in his throat. He hates how flustered he becomes in the presence of this man.

 

“I can wait for you,” he murmurs before he can hold his tongue. “If you aren’t—” He coughs. “If you aren’t going to take fucking forever with your important business meeting, then I suppose I could sit here and play Candy Crush Saga until you’re done.”

 

“That would be most wonderful,” Smith replies earnestly. “Give us half an hour.”

 

The two men excuse themselves, leaving Petra and Levi quite dumbfounded. In an attempt to avoid conversation, Levi shovels ravioli into his mouth like a starving man, deliberately not catching Petra’s eye. He doesn’t care if he chokes on his food; it’ll give him a legitimate excuse not to embarrass himself in front of America’s Golden Boy.

 

“I understand that you don’t feel like sharing,” Petra says, sounding hurt. “I don’t want to be the nag that keeps telling you to be mindful of things because I know you can take care of yourself. However, this person that you might be—or _are_ , dear god—involved with isn’t just any ordinary person. He’s a US senator, Levi. People know him and people expect things of him. You can’t just go at him like you would any other man. There are too many complications.”

 

“I’m not going to start dating him, Petra.” Levi clasps both her hands in his. “He just interests me—intelligent, successful, and ambitious. He was kind to me, too. Maybe I just need a friend.”

 

He leaves out the part of being somewhat sexually attracted to Senator Smith. Petra doesn’t need to know that. It’s not like he’s going to go fall in love with the man or anything.

 

“Promise me you’ll keep it at that,” Petra insists. “Friendship and nothing more, understand?”

 

Levi snorts. “I may not be as immune to falling in love as I thought I was, but I know better than to go looking for it in the wrong places. Senator Erwin Smith isn’t attainable for commoners like me. I’m sure he has a supermodel or an actress for a girlfriend. You don’t have to worry about me. Not when I’m the one who’s drawing the lines.”

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

It turns out that Amateur Surgeon is far more fascinating than Candy Crush. From time to time, Levi peeks up from his game to check on Smith and Zacharias (who is probably Smith’s advisor or something along that line), who are still discussing Very Important Matters. He’s amazed at how long Erwin Smith can sit still. The man has barely moved a muscle in the past ten minutes, his facial expression bordering on glacial. Whatever it is that is on the discussion table, it doesn’t seem to amuse Smith very much. He is a hundred percent focused on Zacharias, but wrinkles that Levi never thought were there are pulling at the corners of his mouth. He wishes he could listen in, but the men are so good at dropping their voices that he can’t hear a fucking thing.

 

“Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Mike.” Erwin Smith gets to his feet, audible at last. “I’ll mull it over and give you feedback by tomorrow night.”

 

The men exchange a brief handshake. Mike Zacharias nods to Levi on his way out, and Smith takes Petra’s empty chair. “Hello, Levi.”

 

“Hello yourself, Senator Smith.” Levi saves his game and puts his phone away. “Are we going to bore ourselves to death tonight by staying here, or are we going to do something more worthwhile?”

 

Smith rises. “Let’s get out of here. I need some air.”

 

Levi wordlessly follows the senator out of the restaurant, noting how Smith had not hesitated to spare a smile for each staff member they passed on the way. _A politician to the very core_ , he thinks. _It must be hellish trying to deduce whether he’s lying or not._

“So, how did your discussion on political reforms go?”

 

“Was that what Mike called it?” Smith remarks dryly. “If so, then I wish with all my heart that it had been the topic of our discussion. Unfortunately, Mike invited me out to dinner so we could discuss my marriage plans—which are non-existent, of course. As one of my closest friends, he feels that it his responsibility to make sure I get hitched before I turn thirty-five.”

 

“I take it there’s no supermodel girlfriend in the picture, then,” Levi snorts. “Or perhaps the daughters of your fellow politicians are more your type?”

 

“I don’t believe I even have a type,” Smith responds. “I just don’t consider marriage very important at this stage. There are so many things on my plate as senator. A wife and a child would just be complications. I simply cannot afford to divide my attention.”

 

“You’re spending time with a nobody like me instead of doing your work,” Levi points out. “That’s dividing your time. You need to come up with better excuses than that.”

 

Smith shoots him a tired smile. “I wish you were a graduate. That way, I could coax you into entering my employment with a tempting salary. You would make a great Chief of Staff.”

 

“If the post is still open in a year, call me,” Levi says cattily. “As long as I don’t have to be in charge of a bunch of morons, I’m good. I know next to nothing about politics, though; I major in chemistry.”

 

“You’re tough as nails, though,” Smith points out. “That’s one of the minimum requirements for a career in politics. I need people like you on board.”

 

“Like I said, call me.”

 

Smith smirks. “Does that mean you’ll be giving me your number?”

 

Levi recites the digits off the top of his head, which the senator saves in his phonebook. “It’s no big secret. I have my phone on my person most of the time, but texts after midnight will not be entertained until lunchtime the following day. Dirty text messages are most unwelcome; sexting is juvenile. Also, where the hell are we going?”

 

“Would you like to get sloshed?” Smith asks politely. “This probably sounds like a ridiculous idea to you given our first meeting, but I could really use a few drinks. All this talk about marriage throws me off my course. I will be paying, of course.”

 

Levi stops to weigh his options. Erwin Smith isn’t exactly a stranger; he’s a perfect gentleman who took a drunk little fuck into his own home. Drinking is a perfectly normal social activity that is harmless when done in moderation. Finance-wise, he has nothing to worry about because his host is offering to pay. It would be terribly impolite to look a gift horse in the mouth.

 

“Since you’re paying, I suppose I have no reason to decline. Where are we going to get sloshed, though? It wouldn’t be good for you to be seen knocking back drinks with a university student.”

 

“I’ll take care of the logistics,” Smith replies confidently. “All you have to do is play along.”

 

Levi trails after the senator, who moves in long, brisk strides. They walk past bar after bar, but Smith ignores each and every one of them. Ten minutes in, his feet are starting to kill him. He’s just about ready to call it quits when Smith takes him by the elbow and escorts him into the lobby of a fancyass hotel.

 

“…we’re drinking at the fucking Marriott?” he demands. “I know money grows on trees for people like you, but isn’t this too much for tonight? I mean, we’re not celebrating anything.”

 

“The people here know me well and keep mum about my whereabouts when I do not wish to be seen,” Smith explains. “I’m not being arrogant, but money is no object when I can have my privacy. I can’t even duck into a Starbucks without a reporter on my tail. I don’t understand how they find someone like me of interest when they can chase people like Justin Bieber instead.”

 

Levi scowls. “I can’t fucking stand Justin Bieber. Dunno why some prepubescent tween-turned-douchebag is so popular with kids these days. _I_ don’t get why the press likes to follow him around when he doesn’t really do anything that is worth my time and attention.”

 

“Be glad you don’t have a younger sister who worships the ground he walks on, then.” Smith rolls his eyes. “I have a fourteen-year-old sister who hasn’t quite outgrown him yet. I had to accompany her to a concert once; believe me when I say I have never felt so scared in my life!”

 

A small smile tugs at the corners of Levi’s lips. He claps a hand over his mouth in an attempt to school his features back into his trademark deadpan expression.   

 

“It’s not a crime to smile once in awhile, Levi,” the senator chides him. “It would do you no good to act so surly all the time. Now, if you could wait here for a moment? I’m going to book us a room.”

 

Levi hangs back obediently, taking the time to get a good look at his surroundings. He’d stayed in 5-star hotels maybe once or twice in his life, and those were both special occasions in which Petra’s entire family—his, by extension—would spend long weekends lounging around living the fancy life. There had been plans for another staycation around Thanksgiving; Levi had just never thought that his third night out (he had never been too good at participating in sleepovers) would be at The Marriott with a US senator.

 

Petra is seriously going to kill him, even if he is far from toeing the line.

 

Smith is tucking some paperwork into an envelope. “Shall we? I already requested to have some wine and vodka brought up to the room. There’s always room service if you need some food in your system later on. We both know how terrible you are at drinking.”

 

“Well, there’s no party to interrupt now, is there?” Levi asks with a smirk. “It’ll be just you and me, senator—I assume we’ll have more than enough room for shame tonight.”

 

“If I were anyone else, I’d imagine you were flirting with me just now,” Smith says lightly. Levi shrugs. If he were anyone else, he would imagine that he had been flirting with the senator, too. He’s just hoping the man doesn’t have the tendency to get overly intellectual when tipsy; he can’t quite forget what that new interview did to him, and getting a boner while listening to Erwin Smith discussing his proposed amendments to the constitution would be really fucking shameful. 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

This shouldn’t feel like a date.

 

Levi has gone on a sum total of _zero_ dates in his entire life. He always thought they were silly and overly romanticized. Logically, if you were in love with someone, you would be more than content to spend time with them minus the flowers, teddy bears and soft music. It’s so strange that he, of all people, is going to spend a night with a handsome man in an expensive hotel room. Smith had showered first—he’d been in and out in under ten minutes—leaving Levi room to turn into a human prune for a long soak in the tub. He’d used the time to make some notes, too; Hange Zoe had sent him a text saying she wanted some updates on his progress for their next session.

 

It feels like such a fucking date. Levi is even getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

 

Trying not to feel too self-conscious, he dons one of the (giant) fluffy white robes and re-enters the bedroom area. The senator, who looks like a completely different person dressed in an equally fluffy robe with his hair loose—is busy setting up their little feast on the table.

 

“Russian Standard?” he quips, arching an eyebrow. “I don’t know much about alcohol, but my sister’s boyfriend brings summa that over when he’s managed to save up some cash. You really don’t believe in scrimping on the finer things in life, do you?”

 

“I always put my best foot forward when I have a guest.” Smith waves Levi over to sit next to him on the sofa. “And you, my friend, are extremely difficult to please.”

 

Levi sits. “I’m glad you acknowledge that. I am quite a handful, people say.”

 

“Let’s not think of that tonight, shall we?” Smith pours him a glass. “I want this to be just about two healthy, virile males enjoying each other’s company. In a friendlier context, of course.”

 

“I suppose. You must be awfully lonely to want to some nutjob of a university student’s company.”

 

Smith smiles wryly. “Well, you know what they say about how it’s always quite lonely at the top. I haven’t had the opportunity to relax in someone’s company like this in years. I always have to be careful of the things that I say because I could be talking to a secret political rival, for all I know. With you, I don’t have to worry about anything.”

 

“I’m insulted,” Levi glares at him. “For all you know, I could slit your throat in the middle of the night.”

 

“You wouldn’t.” Smith is gazing at him with those all-knowing eyes. “For all your ruthlessness, you just aren’t a bad person. I might just grow terribly fond of you in the days to come.”

 

“Now you’re just being cheesy.” Levi downs the contents of his glass in one gulp and immediately pours himself another—to hell with the consequences. “And fucking ridiculous. But, if it makes you happy to hear this, I don’t think you’re a piece of shit.”

 

Smith laughs. He raises his glass. “From you, that’s a very generous compliment. Shall we toast to our newfound albeit unlikely friendship?”

 

“Cheers.” Levi clinks his glass against Erwin’s. He supposes it’s safe to call him by his first name. “And YOLO. Don’t you dare make fun of me for saying that because it is true. So, YOLO.”

 

Erwin Smith knocks back his own drink. “YOLO, indeed.” 


	6. Look North (Keep Looking)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, an update. More progress on the Eruri front! There's a bit more going on with Jearmin, too, though I don't think most of you are here for that! I don't really ship them based on the manga and the anime, but my writer's brain enjoys creating plotlines off them based on their personalities. (Maybe I'll do an AU on them someday.)
> 
> I apologise for the delay; it's been such a busy week for me. The good thing is, I was able to think up more ideas over the week, and these will slowly be incorporated into the story as we go along.
> 
> Thank you for keeping up with me!

Levi is both relieved and slightly disappointed that nothing more exciting happened during his sleepover with Erwin. They drank; Erwin talked and Levi mostly listened. Unlike others, Erwin hadn’t seemed to be bothered by his random lapses into silence. Whenever Levi wasn’t paying attention (he was most of the time, though), he would gently yet firmly steer Levi’s mind back into the conversation. He figures that interacting with the senator is good for his emotional quotient. Erwin is worldly, dignified and not at all annoying. Levi is also giving himself brownie points for not popping any boners after a night spent secretly hanging on to Erwin Smith’s every word.

 

He relays all this to Hange, who is having a field day with her newfound information.

 

“You cannot even begin to imagine how happy I am for you, Levi! Sure, you’re still grumpy and sullen and pissed at me for letting dust bunnies kip under my couch, but you’re a grumpy, sullen person who is developing a healthy crush on—okay, maybe it’s not very healthy given his standing in society.”

 

“My sister keeps telling me I shouldn’t push it.” He wrinkles his nose as he brushes away some dust that has gathered on Hange’s desk. “I don’t believe I’m stepping out of bounds, though. I may not give a shit with regards to decorum most of the time, but I know how much trouble I could potentially get into should anything happen. Still, he’s not exactly salivating at the sight of me, so we’re safe. No one’s going to do anything about it. All I ever wanted was to learn to want things—and I do. Just because I sort of want him doesn’t mean I’ll never want anyone or anything else. He could be a passing phase.”

 

“Right.” Hange nods. “A passing phase whose text messages make the corners of your lips curl up into a smile that only ever so slightly resembles a painful grimace.”

 

Levi scowls. “Can you stop looking at my phone? Or my face when I’m checking out my phone? That’s an invasion of privacy.”

 

“You know, I had never expected things to go this way when I volunteered to be your guide in this project,” Hange admits. “I was thinking that you’d find someone more…appropriate. You just had to get hooked on a US senator. This only ever really happens on television.”

 

“No one within my reach is worth the extra mile,” Levi says with a shrug. “I don’t want to be the boy who worries about looking cool in front of this girl or this guy because these pseudo relationships you form in highschool or even college don’t last, anyway. If it’s going to be a passing phase, I might as well get interested in someone notable. It’d make a great story for my grandchildren—granted I ever have any—someday.”

 

“Well, it’d be nice to be included in his thank-you speech when he’s elected president in fifteen or twenty years,” Hange points out. “I’m not going to be the spoilsport here, Levi. If talking to this guy makes you happy, then by all means, strip down and make yourself comfortable on his satin sheets.”

 

“I’m not that kind of a whore.” Levi ambles towards the door. “And his sheets are made of Egyptian cotton, not satin.”  

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Erwin is a busy man, but he manages to send Levi three or four text messages (not that he counts) each day. They’re very verbose ones, though; Erwin likes to consult Levi when he’s writing his speeches or doing research on possible new bills. Levi has always been a little smarter than most kids at school, so he’s quite pleased to serve counsel to one of the nation’s most brilliant men. Sometimes, he and Erwin argue because of a difference in opinion, but it’s all good.

 

They haven’t met since the not-quite-a-sleepover. It has been two weeks and three days. Not that Levi is counting. Because really, he isn’t.

 

“You’ve been staring at your phone on and off for the past week,” Jean finally confronts him one time when they go for burgers and milkshakes after school. “Do you have a secret lover?”

 

Levi glares at him. “I’m texting a _friend_.”

 

“That’s some heavy emphasis on a key word right there,” Mikasa observes. “It’s fine if you have a secret lover. At least someone in this group is getting some.”

 

“Why’s it just us today, anyway?” Jean asks. “Did Annie really break things off with Bert and Reiner? Are we a land divided because of that?”

 

“You ask too many questions,” Mikasa mutters. “And yes, she has broken things off with them. She said it was about time they tried for a more healthy relationship. Eren isn’t here because he’s hanging out with Armin, who is still refusing to hang out with you.”

 

“I’m so freaking frustrated by all this!” Jean cries. “No matter how many times I try to apologise to him and ask him to hear me out, he just gives me this really sad face and walks away.”

 

“That’s because his affection can’t be bought with stuffed animals and chocolates,” Mikasa replies. “You don’t exactly have the best romantic history, Jean Kirschtein. Armin thinks he’s competing with the memory of a dead man and, well, your not-so-serious crush on me. I do hope you’re attempting to woo him because you really like him and not because you feel sorry for him.”

 

“It’s—it’s complicated,” Jean says weakly. “I always thought he was pretty—prettier than most girls. And then we had a bit of an, uh, _episode_ when we all went out for drinks. It’s a very physical attraction, mind you, but that doesn’t mean I’m not serious or won’t ever be serious. I’ve been stuck in a fucking rut for _years_ now, Mikasa, and whatever it was that happened between me and him opened my eyes to the fact that I am finally ready to get out of it. I’m not in love with him, but I wouldn’t know if I could be unless he gives me a chance. It’s not roses and white doves and wedding bells, but it’s something.”

 

“So why are you telling this to us and not him?” Levi asks. “I was ever so slightly moved by what you just said; this means that it might just make Armin Arlelt cry. The kid’s very smart but also very sensitive. He needs something more assuring from you than the carefully constructed words you’ve been spouting every time you try to issue an apology. Just speak from your heart, you dick.”

 

“You heard the man,” Mikasa echoes. “If you promise to explain things to him the way you just explained things to us, then I will lend you my spare key to his dorm room. God knows the boy needs to get over this depressing little spell as much as you need to get over yourself.”

 

Jean has either forgiven or ignored the insult. He shoots to his feet like a rocket and kneels at Mikasa’s feet. “I’m not going to fuck this up. I swear it on all the time you call me ‘Horseface’ and names synonymous to it.”

 

“You’d best have him pocket the key now,” Levi says dryly. “If he puts it that way, he must be serious.”

 

Without so much as a goodbye, Jean practically flies out of the diner as soon as Mikasa forks over her key. She and Levi are left to sip their milkshakes in silence. There has almost always been a bit of tension between them. Levi figures it’s because they are quite alike in many ways.

 

“I’m not gay,” he suddenly says. “At least, I think I’m not. Is it possible to be attracted to someone primarily because you like how they think and you like how they act?”

 

“Of course it is,” Mikasa replies. “I think the world is modern enough not to load sexuality with so much ‘proper’ meanings. I like to think of sexuality as something that is fluid.”

 

“That’s good.” Levi nods. “The person I exchange texts with? He’s a man.”

 

“Then I’m happy for you,” Mikasa says simply. “We may not be the best of friends, but believe that I am sincere when I say that I wish you genuine happiness.”

 

“Believe that I am sincere when I say I thank you for it. And for not judging.”

 

Mikasa shrugs. “I don’t think any of us are fit to judge our fellowmen when it comes to matters of love and sexual preference.”

 

“Pardon me when I say I feel a bit sorry for you in that department, then,” Levi quips. “He’s your adoptive sibling. You may not be bound by blood, but society will still frown upon it.”

 

“Not that he harbours the same feelings, anyway,” Mikasa sighs. “He’s too caught up in his own anger to realise that there are people who truly love him. I’m just glad we don’t have to go home that often; he still blames Dad for the death of our mother.”

 

“At least he still has one parent who loves him,” Levi shoots back. “I had two who died in an accident even before I could get to know them. Still, Petra’s family has been wonderful. Had they not taken me in, I would have never had access to all these opportunities in terms of schooling and a possible career.”

 

“You’re very smart,” Mikasa admits. “And you’re better than me at some things. However, I feel that this is always going to be a competition between us.”

 

Levi is about to respond when he notices his phone vibrating on the table. As soon as he sees Erwin’s name appear, he hurriedly excuses himself and steps outside to take the call. “It’s been ages, you fucking bastard. I know you’re a busy man, but you have to forgive a friend for wondering if you still remember him.”

 

Erwin laughs. “How can I forget the man who has been assisting me in upping my progress as a servant of this lovely nation? As I like to say, I’m quite fond of you, Levi.”

 

“You say that, but your texts have turned into a fucking rarity.” Levi cringes at how clingy he sounds. “We haven’t seen each other in weeks.”

 

“Which is why I’m on my way to see you right now,” Erwin replies. “I’m in my car. Just name the place and I’ll be there.”

 

“I’m by the entrance of this greasy diner right across school. You can’t miss it—the light-up sign is as gaudy as fuck. Who has ever heard of using dancing light-up milkshakes and burgers on a storefront sign? It’s a bit of a shame, though; the food is greasy but fucking fantastic.”

 

“I know where that it,” Erwin replies. “Can you wait twenty more minutes?”

 

Levi stops to think. “No. I’ll walk halfway. Honk when you see me.”

 

“I can’t wait.” Erwin sounds pleased. Levi can detect that smirk in his voice.

 

“I’ll talk to you later,” he breathes, and abruptly hangs up. He pokes his head back into the diner, where Mikasa is smirking at him from their long-abandoned table.

 

“Go,” she says. “I’ll be fine. I don’t need a scrawny runt like you to walk me home.”

 

He gives her the finger. “Fuck you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

As chaotic as New York is, Levi is quite adept at making his way around on foot. The trains do just fine when he needs to get someplace in a jiffy, but he’d rather not stand shoulder-to-shoulder with people in a giant tin can during rush hour. He’s pretty sure he knows which roads Erwin will be taking. It’s just funny how he likes the man well enough to sprint to meet him. But Levi still has his pride; he’s not going to give Erwin the satisfaction of knowing he wants to run.

 

So, he walks instead. Erwin intercepts him at a red light.

 

“You really are terrible at waiting,” he says with a laugh, propping the passenger door open. “Hop in, hop in. I’d like to take you somewhere a bit more personal this afternoon.”

 

“You’re lucky I don’t have a curfew,” Levi says dryly. “Hanging out with you means checking into a hotel to get drunk, which isn’t very safe-sounding.”

 

“Please name at least one instance where you decided against living dangerously,” Erwin requests, sounding almost smug. “I doubt you’d be able to.”

 

“After school, I go straight home and go to bed at ten,” Levi responds. “How is that for living on the safe side? I don’t think you can get any more boring than me.”

 

“Oh, but people can get boring quite quickly,” Erwin says lightly. “Those with dull minds can never last long in this world. It’s not about being the sharpest knife in the drawer; it’s about being able to contribute and becoming someone who is worth something in the scheme of things.”

 

“You’ve got some serious issues when it comes to self-worth,” Levi observes. “Is this an early childhood thing? Or did it come later on when you started getting into politics?”

 

“Early on, I believe,” Erwin replies. “I was an awful child. I was a little bit more mature than those in my age group. Instead of running around the yard with my parents’ friends’ children, I would stay indoors and listen in on their conversations about the real world. I was a nine-year-old boy who was strangely envious of the world that adults lived in. I felt it was unfair that they were making their mark on society while I wasn’t due to the mere fact that I was just a child.”

 

“Jesus Christ, Erwin Smith.” Levi turns to stare at him. “Children aren’t meant to be pondering how to be of use to society at age fucking nine. They’re meant to be _children_.”   

 

“I wish I’d known that earlier.” Erwin heaves a resigned sigh. “I regressed when I was in high school. I had no trouble keeping my grades up because education was no challenge for me, but I was hardly ever sober. I spent nights going to parties drinking to near death and getting high on drugs. I felt like I’d spent all my life looking for something that would drive me further than I’d ever driven myself before, but nothing was turning up.”

 

“What made you change your mind?”

 

Erwin grips the steering wheel tightly. “I was driving home from a party with my then girlfriend. I was drunk and high, and she was trying to placate me. But I didn’t listen. I went on the freeway, driving at breakneck speed because I wanted to die. My girlfriend and I got into an argument; I ended up stopping the car in the middle of the freeway. We were so busy fighting that both of us failed to notice that a truck was coming up from behind—it all happened so fast. The truck driver and I survived. My girlfriend was killed in the accident. When I came to in the hospital, I cried like a child, sober for the first time in months.”

 

Levi tries to swallow the lump in his throat. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be.” Erwin shakes his head. “I needed that kick. Had I not been so close to ending my own life, I would have never realised how valuable it was and how much I had still yet to live for. My only regret was that my girlfriend had to receive the sanction of being the victim. I did not love her as I should have, but she was special to me at some point.”

 

“You said we were going somewhere personal to you. May I ask where that may be?”

 

“She was pregnant when she died—three months along. She never told me, though. The doctors found out during the autopsy. We’re going to visit the child.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...dun dun dun. (I just had to!)


	7. In Shallower Waters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late. Again. And you people have been very understanding with regards to my late updates (still trying to churn out one chapter a week because it isn't fair to leave you hanging!), which has me very grateful. 
> 
> I REALLY HAD TO CHURN SOMETHING OUT BECAUSE OMG THE VISUAL NOVEL PREVIEW OUR SHIP IS REAL AND HAS SAILED THE SEVEN SEAS AND--
> 
> Okay. I'm just really excited. Hopefully, this update is worth the wait.

The last time Levi visited a cemetery, he had been a seven-year-old boy with hardly a clue as to why his parents lay still in those human-shaped wood and glass boxes. He had never felt more uncomfortable in his life; people would murmur about how unfortunate he was and give him pitying looks that did nothing to ease his discomfort. It was only when Petra’s parents had tucked him into a bed that was not his in a room that was not his in a house that was not his did he fully understand that he was completely and utterly alone.

 

Now, he finds himself standing in front of a gravestone bearing not a name, but an inscription. He gets down on his knees and stretches out; he allows his fingertips to trace what has been etched in stone.

 

“’In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.’ Didn’t think you’d be into Camus. Or existentialism in general, for that matter.”

 

Erwin squats down next to him. He lays a wreath of white roses against the headstone. “I quite liked him, to some extent—his thoughts on the Absurd never failed to enlighten me. Died too young, though. I find it such a shame.”

 

Levi props his chin on Erwin’s shoulder. “For what it’s worth, I think it’s a beautiful place to be buried.”

 

“Burying the urn with the child’s ashes felt highly symbolic at that time,” Erwin admits. “I wish I could say I loved the baby, but it had always been more hers than mine. This grave exists more for my peace of mind. Even if I’ve long left that dark period in my life, I wanted to have a place that would remind me never to go astray again.”

 

“And you wanted it to be a grave because it would signify that you buried all that shit, huh? Fucking clever.”

 

There is no bite in his words. He has gone slack against Erwin now, not objecting to the fingers that have found comfort in carding through his hair. Erwin is humming something unfamiliar yet comforting. Levi sighs and closes his eyes.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 _He moves me,_ is the first phrase Levi writes in his notebook as he tunes out another boring lecture on atomic bonds. _He moves me, and it is scary. When we were at the cemetery, I allowed myself to fall asleep on his shoulder. The bastard is so fucking thoughtful that it’s scary. I woke up in the backseat of his car wrapped up in his coat. He didn’t say anything when I joined him outside. We stood in silence and watched the stars together. He drove me home. I let him kiss my hand._

He runs a palm over his face, embarrassed at how his heart skips a beat at the mere memory of the kiss. Erwin Smith had raised Levi’s hand to his lips, bright blue eyes never leaving his own until it was time to part ways. Levi cringes, remembering how he trembled with sheer need. He had wanted to sneak Erwin into his dorm room (it was doable; Reiner always found a way to sneak his one-night stands in) in hopes of more kisses, but he’d been too chicken to ask. What had him feeling relieved was that the affection did not seem to be one-sided. He still had no idea what Erwin saw in him, but it felt nice to be liked back. He’d scowled and snorted when Erwin called him ‘beautiful’. ‘Beautiful’ was for people like Christa Renz and Armin Arlelt, who were all blond hair and blue eyes in svelte little packages. Levi was short, beady-eyed and angry all the time.

 

It didn’t seem to bother Erwin, though. He bites his lip and stares out the window, trying to cool his flushed cheeks. Constantly thinking about Erwin Smith is not good for his health. Feeling uncomfortable, he collects his things and ducks out of the room in search of fresh air and something else to focus his attention on. He thinks of going to visit Petra at work, but she’d never forgive him for skipping class. Today is majors day, so he’s not sure where he can find the people he usually hangs out with.

 

His phone buzzes in his pocket. It’s a text from Erwin. _Dinner at seven tonight?_

Levi shakes his head. He ducks into a corner and presses the ‘call’ button. He smirks a little when Erwin picks up on the first ring. “Where’s dinner, Captain America?”

 

“Don’t expect anything grand,” Erwin warns him. “I was thinking dinner at my place.”

 

Levi snorts. “Your place? Is a fucking _palace_ , Erwin Smith. Ain’t nothing un-grand about that.”

 

“I didn’t mean the manor, Levi. I meant my flat.”

 

“You have a manor _and_ a flat? Fuck you.”

 

“A man does need to get away from his wealth from time to time,” Erwin explains with a chuckle. “I purchase real estate for bits and pieces of my soul, Levi.”

 

“Still. I’ve never hung out with someone who had two houses before.”

 

“Now you’re making me feel bad.”

 

“No,” Levi grunts. “I’m fucking flirting with you, Erwin Smith.”

 

“Which means you’re accepting my invitation to dinner, correct?” Levi can practically hear him smiling on the other end of the line. “Yeah, yeah,” he replies, trying to sound casual. “I’ll be in school like usual. I’d cut my classes to meet you early, but I can’t miss my nuclear chemistry exam.”

 

“We have to do what we have to do,” Erwin agrees. “See you at seven?”

 

“See you at seven.”

 

Levi stares at his phone, dumbfounded. He’s gone on what is probably his third or fourth date with Erwin Smith. It’s a far cry from what his social life (or lack thereof) used to be.

 

The world has gone mad.

 

“Hey, Levi! Yo, over here!”

 

Eren is running towards him, looking very much the picture of a feral guard dog. Arching an eyebrow, Levi ducks out from his spot and shoots him a bored expression. “Calm your tits, loudmouth. At this rate, you’ll be disrupting classes left and right.”

 

“I need to know if you’ve seen Armin or the horseface around,” Eren says seriously. “They’ve been hiding from me all freaking morning.”

 

Levi cocks his head. “Ah, I see young Armin Arlelt has decided to accept Jean Kirschtein’s declaration of undying affection. This must be why you look as if someone just lit your house on fire and did so twice.”

 

“You’re always thinking violent thoughts, aren’t you?” Eren makes a face.

 

“No,” Levi replies seriously. “If you can’t tell yet, I’m in a fucking great mood today.”

 

Eren squints at him. “Can’t really tell with that bored expression of yours. Anyway, text me or something if you see them, okay? Horseface needs a good talking-to.”

 

“Don’t make Armin split up with him just because you two don’t see eye-to-eye,” Levi calls after him. “I was there when Kirschtein made his confession. Mikasa and I felt out hard little hearts melt ever so slightly.”

 

He winces at the realisation that he’d just defended a college romance. Being around Erwin Smith was turning him into a fucking softie. He’s just decided to go back to the land of atomic bonds when his phone buzzes in his pocket.

 

_I’ll see you soon, Levi._

He feels something inside him heat up and melt in a scorching mess.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Erwin’s apartment is nothing like his family’s manor. There is hardly anything opulent about the single-bedroom unit. Levi rubs his index finger along the kitchen counter, frowning in distaste when it comes up slightly dirty. “Your place is a bit of a mess.”

 

“It’s just a spot of dust, Levi,” Erwin chides him. “I do stay here more often than I stay in the manor, so it’s kept neat and tidy. I just don’t get to use the kitchen very often.”

 

“Which means you can’t cook to save your life.” Levi is busy rummaging through the cabinets for a rag and some cleaning solution. He wipes the surfaces down until they are practically gleaming.

 

“When I don’t go home, I live on takeout and grilled cheese sandwiches,” Erwin says seriously. “I get so caught up in my work sometimes that I forget to eat.”

 

“I’m amazed you don’t camp out in your office, actually,” Levi remarks. He stalks over to the refrigerator and peeks in. “You sure don’t have much here, but there are things that I can work with. Are vegetable stew and tuna sandwiches okay with you?”

 

“Anything you can prepare would be more than agreeable.” Erwin pulls out a stool at the kitchen counter. “Would you like me to assist in any way?”

 

Levi shoots him a look as he knots a bandana behind his neck. “So says the fucker who puts a slice of cheese in between two pieces of bread and calls it dinner. Please stay still, senator—you may look but you cannot touch until it is time to eat.”

 

“I do so hope that is a rule limited to the food.” Erwin leans back in his chair, eyes dark as they roam Levi’s frame. “I don’t think I can resist not touching my dessert.”

 

Levi licks the blunt edge of his kitchen knife. “Then be a good boy and sit down.”

 

It’s hard to work on dinner like this, with Erwin Smith watching his every move. Levi tries to reassure himself that they are still within the boundaries of the safe zone. Just because he sorta-kinda wants Erwin and is sorta-kinda enjoying being a tease doesn’t mean he’s going to readily tumble into the man’s bed and let him have his dirty way with him. Still, he can’t help but silently admit that he does want something a little more exciting to happen between them. He’s heard stories of people who would start relationships after a couple of tumbles in the sheets. This aspect of what people liked to refer to as ‘romance’ wasn’t rocket science to him; people liked sex. Stories could take root just because they enjoyed screwing each other’s brains out. Happily screwing each other’s brains out could possibly lead to love. He just couldn’t understand how people could fall so deeply in love after that.

 

“At the rate you’re going, there won’t be enough of those potatoes to go around.” Erwin gently takes the potato—what’s left of it, anyway—and the peeler from his hands. “What’s going on in that brilliant little mind of yours, my darling boy?”

 

“I’m trying to understand things,” Levi admits. “I don’t get how you can get all honest and emotional with me but not seem to want to stick your tongue down my tonsils. Nearly over a month in, and I’ve just begun to truly realise how fucking complex liking someone and wanting to be liked back really feels. I always thought I could possibly satisfy someone on a physical level—it’s not like you have to look at my face when  you fuck me or anything—but completely fuck up on an emotional level. But I sat there, with you, in that sad but kinda fucking beautiful cemetery. I listened to your story and didn’t say think horrible thoughts or run off because I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t fuck up. And now I’m confused because you sometimes look like you want to fuck me, but never really follow through.”

 

Erwin’s expression is inscrutable. After what seems to be an eternity, he cups Levi’s face in his hands and pulls him in for a deep kiss, potatoes be damned. It’s everything and nothing like Levi ever imagined a kiss from Erwin Smith to be. Erwin’s mouth is warm and wet, which is, according to one Hange Zoe, exactly how a ‘passionate kiss’ would be like. What he had never thought to expect was how forceful Erwin would be if and when they ever went that far. All coherent though has left him. Erwin has bent him nearly in half and is plundering his mouth with that talented, talented tongue that Levi sometimes dreams of. Feeling the need to breathe, he pushes Erwin away, only to wrap his arms around the other man’s neck immediately after to make sure that he stays.

 

“That,” Erwin murmurs, laving at the pulse point on Levi’s neck, “was the sweetest and most verbose confession of like that I have ever received from anyone in my life. Also, you should never, _ever_ go through life with the notion that I do not wish to fuck you into my mattress.”

 

“Then do it,” Levi says throatily, somewhat pissed at how needy he sounds. “You can’t just give me the best fucking first kiss ever and leave me hanging.”

 

“Not tonight, Levi.” Erwin kisses him again, quick successive pecks on the lip, as he speaks. “But that does not mean the night will be free of debauchery. Come with me for a bit. Dinner can wait for awhile longer.”

 

Levi allows Erwin to lead him to the master bedroom, which is charmingly lived in and (god forbid) a wee bit messy. He laughs— _genuinely_ laughs—as Erwin pushes him down on the bed and reaches up for another kiss. Erwin obliges him, moving his hand to the nape of Levi’s neck to angle him upward, deepening the kiss. This one is more playful than their first, and Levi, neophyte that he is, tries to match Erwin’s tongue stroke for stroke. He locks his legs around Erwin’s waist, moaning when he feels a telltale hardness rubbing against his own.  “Jesus fucking Christ, Erwin Smith. You’re fucking _huge_.”

 

“So I’ve been told,” Erwin replies, amused. “But tonight is for you, my darling.”

 

Levi blushes, but does not struggle when he feels Erwin pop the button on his fly. “Budge up,” Erwin whispers in his ear, and he hastens to do so, mesmerised by the quiet urgency in the other man’s voice. He can imagine how he looks like down there, flushed, leaking and hard as a fucking rock. Erwin slides Levi’s pants and briefs down to his knees, and give his cock an experimental tug.

 

“I’m guessing this is what you meant by ‘dessert’?” he asks dryly, trying to remain calm.

 

“Perhaps, perhaps not,” Erwin says nonchalantly, jerking Levi’s length in slow, languid strokes. “Am I correct in assuming that my hand is the first foreign object to touch your penis?”

 

”Fucking scientist,” Levi grunts, bucking his hips in time with Erwin’s ministrations. “And way to contribute to the mood by reminding me of my never-been-fucked status.”

 

“I like the idea, though,” Erwin murmurs. He licks the shell of Levi’s ear. “I enjoy knowing that no hand, other than your own, has ever pleasured this body.”

 

Levi fists his hands in Erwin’s sheets. “Since you’re being so generous, I’ll let tell you a secret of my own. I always had a bit of a--oh fuck, that’s _good_ —problem finding pleasure in jerking off because I was doing it for the sake of doing it. My friends tried to hook me up with some sleazy pornos in hopes of getting something going, but it was hopeless. The first time I ever found pleasure in jacking off, I was watching one of your interviews on the local news.”

 

“You seem to enjoy feeding my ego, don’t you?” Erwin nibbles at Levi’s bottom lip.

 

“And you, being the pervert that you are, get off on it.” One of Levi’s hands finds purchase on the zip of Erwin’s slacks. “Fuck, Smith—how do you fit this monster into people’s cunts?”

 

“I suggest you worry more about how we are going to fit it into your arse when the time comes,” Erwin says candidly. “It’s going to be one heck of a squeeze.”

 

Levi works the zipper down and reaches in, carefully guiding Erwin’s cock out of his underwear. “All the more reason for me to get better acquainted with it.”

 

Levi doesn’t really look at other people’s dicks due to a complete lack of interest. He’s never really seen one up close—more or less touched one—other than his own, which explains his growing fascination with Erwin’s rapidly growing appendage. “Looks like Erwin Junior is more than happy to see me,” he smirks, thumbing the leaking tip. “I think we’re going to become fast friends. Now move over.”

 

Erwin chokes back a moan as Levi pushes his hips up to give him room to maneuver down south. He darts his tongue out and gives the head of Erwin’s cock an experimental lick.

 

“Levi!” Erwin exclaims. “You shouldn’t just do things like that! Not when you’ve never had sex before.”

 

Levi glares at him. “Just because I’ve never had sex before doesn’t mean I never read my textbooks or looked up the subject on Google. And I just really, really feel like stuffing your cock down my throat.”

 

Carefully, he folds his lips over his teeth and pushes the head of Erwin’s cock into his mouth. He lets it rest against his tongue for a few moments, trying to make sense of how it feels like in his mouth. He wraps a loose fist around the rest of Erwin’s girth (he really cannot figure out how this is going to fit into his ass) and gently sucks on the head. Erwin is bracing himself on his forearms, trying very hard not to piston his hips.

 

“Drag your tongue over the slit, Levi,” he instructs softly. “Ah, that’s it—that’s my good boy. Now swirl your tongue around the tip. Think of it as licking a lolly.”

 

Levi feels positively filthy right now. He’s lying beneath a US state senator, experimentally sucking on his cock while the other is fisting his own. It isn’t long before he disengages his mouth from Erwin’s person, gasping his pleasure as he comes. Erwin, who suddenly regains his gentlemanly ways, brings himself off using his own hand instead of coming in Levi’s mouth.

 

“Well, that went well enough, I suppose,” Levi murmurs, turning a sly smile on Erwin. “You’ve got to show me more of your tricks. And don’t you dare go running your moral compass on me; I’m perfectly legal and perfectly willing to descend to the depths of hell with you.”

 

Erwin laughs and presses a kiss to his brow. “You, my darling, are truly something else.”


	8. Biology 101

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As they like to say, better late than never, right?
> 
> I've been busy (and faced with writer's block!) for the past few weeks, so it's only now that I've been able to churn up this predominantly steamy update. 
> 
> So, with no further adieu, I bring you Chapter Eight. Once again, thank you for staying with me.

“Fucking _finally_. That took fucking forever.”

 

Levi’s a little frustrated that he can’t reach Erwin even when he’s standing on his tiptoes. He grunts in protest as the senator presses him against the wall and hoists him up. Levi’s arms automatically lock around his neck; they share a laugh.

 

“And I thought you liked listening to me talk,” Erwin says with a chuckle, rubbing his nose against Levi’s. “Didn’t you say you jacked off listening to one of my interviews once?”

 

“That was a quick one,” Levi explains. “And I didn’t really know you back then. But this one? Was forty fucking minutes long. And I was waiting all day to come over here so we could make out.”

 

“Mmm.” They exchange a few wet kisses. “But we can’t do it here in my office, though. Someone is bound to pass by, and you are quite the screamer, young man.”

 

Levi licks a stripe along Erwin’s neck. “Let’s get out of here, then. I think I can limit my affections to shamelessly rubbing your crotch while you drive us back to your place.”

 

“You little slut,” Erwin murmurs. “I swear to god, I can’t control you.”

 

“You could try, though,” Levi whispers. “You could hold me down, tie me to your bedposts and keep me there for _days_. You could fuck me whenever you want to, however you want to.”

 

He whimpers as Erwin pulls him in for a bruising kiss. With them, it’s always a wild mess of lips, teeth and tongues. It had only been three days since they’d first fallen into bed together, and Levi had been almost horrified to realise that he could be one hell of a horny bastard when someone pushed all the right buttons. As soon as school had ended, he had gone straight to Erwin’s office on invite to watch a local news channel interview Erwin. Just like the bulk of his interviews, this one was highly professional in nature and had focused on his political career. Though not one for politics, Levi had secretly hung on to each and every word the senator had spoken. The man was ambitious, yes, but all that came with a good heart that was willing to serve humanity. He found it extremely admirable.

 

“We’re never going to get out of bed if I take you up on that offer,” Erwin says with a laugh, releasing Levi from his grasp. “Come now, you must tidy up and look the part of a college student assisting a US senator at work. We can’t have you going out looking all rumpled like that; people will notice.”

 

Levi sighs. He begins to straighten his clothing, taking extra care to put his dishevelled hair to rights. “I’m a chemistry major, though—what would I be doing in your office if we weren’t developing nuclear bombs together or something?”

 

“Well, people know that I’m one of NASA’s biggest backers.” Erwin puts a hand on Levi’s shoulder. “And rocket science is almost always in need of chemists. I just don’t want anything to leak out. I don’t want people to think ill of you for spending all your time with an old man like me.”

 

“You’re not old,” Levi mumbles, shooting him a glare. “You’re only thirty-two years old, bastard. And I could care less for what people would think of me. Right now, you’re the one with _everythin_ g to lose. Maybe we shouldn’t even be seeing each other.”

 

He makes his way to the door only to have Erwin wrap an arm around his waist and hold him close. “Please don’t behave like this, Levi. I understand why you’re feeling the strain; I sincerely and honestly do. But nothing is going to leak out if we’re careful—and we are—okay? For once in my life, I want to be a little bit selfish. You’re the only one I’ve ever felt truly comfortable with. I don’t want us to fight.”

 

“You’re going to be the death of me, Senator Smith,” Levi grunts, turning in his arms to give him a kiss. “As long as we don’t absolutely have to, I will not bring this up again.”

 

“Good.” Erwin gives him one more kiss before releasing him. “Now, let’s get out of here.”

 

Levi takes the files from Erwin, wanting to look every part the dutiful one-day intern (he figures no one is going to go around digging for his resume anytime soon) and walks dutifully at Erwin’s side. Some senate employees stop to greet them, but Erwin is clever enough to know not to linger too long. By the time they reach the car, Levi’s ears are ringing deaf with variations of, “Good day to you. I’d love to say and chat, but my intern and I have a lot of things on our plate this afternoon.”

 

Erwin winks at Levi as he manoeuvres his car out of his parking space. “And now, we enjoy ourselves.”

 

“I can’t wait,” Levi purrs, reaching out to give Erwin’s cock a friendly squeeze.

 

Truth be told, he’s actually a little nervous. It’s not like he doesn’t know anything about sex; he’s had textbooks and web pages on gay sex open since he started seeing Erwin. He gets how Object A goes into Slot B and all that other shit, but reading about it is nothing like actually experiencing it. Being someone whose intellect was above average level, he hated not being able to understand things completely. Love and sex had always been myths to him. They were things he read about in books, saw in movies and heard about from other people who were actually understood them. Romantic love and all aspects related to it had never mattered to him before meeting Erwin.

 

“Are you alright?” Erwin asks solicitously. “You’ve fallen silent. I both anticipated and dreaded having you toy with my genitalia for the duration of the car ride.”

 

“I’m having a silent emotional crisis,” Levi replies. “You know very well how scientific I can get about things. That has always been my attitude when it came to love and sex—I never really felt that I needed to participate in them. Obviously, that’s not going to be the case anymore with you around.”

 

“You make it sound like a bad thing.”

 

“I’m bothered because I’m confused,” Levi admits. “I don’t like feeling confused about things that can be studied or learned. I’m supposed to be fucking good at that shit.”

 

Erwin smiles at him. “Love is a completely different thing. I don’t think that I’ve ever fallen so deeply in love before, but it’s not something you analyse completely using your head.  I feel love, though not romantic, when I think about my family, my close friends and the Great Dane that tries to gallop around my backyard. I’m sure you’ve felt it before, in one form or another.”

 

“Yes. My sister, Petra, is the only person that I love.”

 

“Well, there you have it,” Erwin says amiably. “You’re not completely devoid of affection, my darling.”

 

Levi flushes at the endearment. “What bothers me is the depth that my feelings for you could possibly achieve. I don’t want to spread my legs for my sister or my friends. You get what I mean?”

 

“Yes. Yes, I do. And I don’t want you to concern yourself with it for now. Understanding love can be like understanding rocket science. It takes time.”

 

The remainder of the ride is spent in companionable silence. 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Levi has difficulty masking his surprise when Erwin sits him down on the sofa with a steaming pot of tea. During the ride home, he’d secretly loosened his cravat in preparation for being pushed down onto that giantess king-sized bed that took up nearly all the space in Erwin’s bedroom. He has never been against the use of force in situations that required it. He’d liked it when Erwin pushed him up against the wall and practically devoured him alive. It’s probably a kink that he never knew he had.  

 

“I thought we’d be naked and dry humping each other by now,” he says out loud. “It’s weird that I’m sitting here having tea like I usually do.”

 

“We don’t have to if you don’t feel like you’re ready,” Erwin points out. He looks ridiculously good in sweat pants and an old shirt. It’s slightly annoying. “I don’t want you to feel coerced into anything just because we fooled around a little bit some days ago.”

 

“And you’re not helping the situation any!” Levi bristles. He throws the empty teacup at Erwin’s head. Thankfully, it misses. Erwin doesn’t even seem to notice the shards. “I don’t need another _teacher_ , you dick. I don’t want you walking all over your fucking eggshells just because you think I’m not ready to take your cock up my ass. I’m the only one who gets to decide what I want, and what I want is for you to fuck me so hard that I won’t be able to walk or sit without feeling your titan of a penis in me.”

 

“That’s what I’ve wanted to hear from you.”

 

Erwin stalks towards Levi, very much like a predator eyeing its prey. Not being one to go peacefully, Levi struggles and thrashes in Erwin’s vice-like grip as the senator throws him over his shoulder like one would a sack of potatoes. “Let me down, you bastard! I can walk, thank you very much.”

 

“I shall have none of your insolence today,” Erwin responds lightly, kicking open his bedroom door. He unceremoniously deposits Levi onto his bed. “You are not to try anything funny, do you hear me? Otherwise, I am going to tie your wrists to my bedposts.”

 

“What if I want you to?” Levi murmurs, tugging on the hem of Erwin’s shirt. “What if I’ve been playing hard-to-get all afternoon just to get you to tie me up?”

 

“We’ll save that for another day,” Erwin promises. He allows Levi to disrobe him of his shirt. “I want to take it a bit easier on you for your first time. This doesn’t mean we’re going to be all kinds of vanilla this afternoon, though. I have a little experiment that I want to try out.”

 

“Lay it on me, old man.” Levi divests himself of his cravat and suit jacket. “If you’re going to be _that_ kind of teacher, then I guess I wouldn’t mind listening to your lectures. I’d even come to class to do some extra work for you—you know, just to get my grades up?”

 

Erwin laughs. It’s a deep, sensual sound, and Levi has grown quite fond of it. “Remind me to add roleplaying to an ever-growing list of things we can try out. For now, I want you to strip completely and lie on your back once done.”

 

Levi is no creature of seduction. He thought of making a show out of his disrobing, but decides against it in case he ends up looking like a fool instead. So, he does it the way he usually does: methodical and neat. He can feel Erwin’s eyes practically burning holes into his bare skin, which gives him a major boost in the self-confidence department. He tucks his fingers into the waistband of his briefs and pulls them down, revealing his not-so-flaccid erection.

 

He swallows. “So, do I pass?”

 

“You get an A,” Erwin says huskily as he guides Levi into a prone position. “Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are, my darling? If not, allow me to be the first.”

 

“Don’t be so mushy!” Levi scowls, averting his gaze from Erwin’s. “I’m basically underdeveloped in terms of physique. I don’t see anything beautiful about that.”

 

“Perhaps you are in need of someone to appreciate your unique beauty for you,” Erwin suggests, lifting Levi’s hand to his lips. “I’ve always liked your petite stature, Levi. You have such a strong personality; it relieves me to know that I can at least control you a little bit because of your size.”

 

“Bastard,” Levi grunts. There is no malice in his tone. “I swear, you are such a fucking control freak. I think you’d freak out if you had no hold over certain things.”

 

“Somewhat, yes,” Erwin admits. “I feel horribly uncomfortable not being in a position of power. This has everything to do with my upbringing and my current working environment. Now, enough of this—we should be seeking pleasure from each other, not talking. We can save the questions for later.”

 

“I’ll stop talking if you take your clothes off,” Levi says. “Unless, you want me to assist you…?”

 

“Be my guest.” Erwin smirks at him. “A certain part of my anatomy does miss your touch.”

 

Levi is quick to rid Erwin of his pants and boxers. The man’s cock, unsurprisingly, is just as large as Levi remembers it to be. He’s heard from some of the girls at school that some Caucasian males do have fairly larger appendages. He isn’t interested in seeing anyone else’s but Erwin’s though. If some people could have favourite restaurants and favourite colours, then Levi could have a favourite cock. Before he can do so much as touch it, Erwin forces him back into a prone position. “You can play later, Levi.”

 

Levi murmurs appreciatively when Erwin eases his weight onto him. He happily wraps his arms around Erwin’s neck, and they exchange kisses with a fevered passion. Though still inexperienced, Levi finds it easy to twine his tongue around Erwin’s and meet him lick for lick and nip for nip. Eventually, they do break for air. Erwin continues his exploration of Levi’s body, moving from the base of his chin to his collarbones, tongue dipping into the curves and ridges of Levi’s skin.

 

“I could cum with just you doing this,” he moans, hating how needy he sounds at the moment. “All you’d had to do is kiss and lick me everywhere, and I’d fucking cum on your stomach.”

 

“I didn’t think you’d be so sensitive.” Erwin hovers over a nipple, stroking it idly with his fingertip. “Your body responds even to the lightest of my touches.”

 

Levi is unable to bite back a cry when Erwin’s lips close over his nipple. The senator suckles at it mercilessly, switching over to the other once he’s had his fill. Levi is certain he is going to have hickeys in very strange places given Erwin’s apparent fondness for nibbling and biting. He nibbles his way down from Levi’s chest to his hips, taking an odd interest in the dips and grooves of his hipbones.

 

“Can’t you hurry on up and touch my cock already?” Levi whines.

 

“Oh, but touching it isn’t part of today’s plans,” Erwin says smugly. “I will not touch you. You are not allowed to touch yourself. I want you to come from the sensation of being fucked.”

 

“You’re going to stick that monster in me?” Levi asks breathlessly, wiggling his hips in anticipation. “Better go at me hard and fast, though—I don’t think I’m going to last very much longer.”

 

“We’ll have to prepare you first, though.” Erwin’s fingers travel down to the cleft of Levi’s ass. He rubs gently at the perineum before spreading the boy’s cheeks open, ducking down to take a peek. “This is going to require a bit of work on both our ends. I will be as gentle as I can, but you’re going to have to cooperate by relaxing your muscles and not tensing up.”

 

“Can you not look inside my ass?” Levi complains, face flush with embarrassment. “I kind of feel like some sort of lab rat all spread out for your examination here.”

 

“You’ve a very lovely arse, though,” Erwin contest, pressing several feather-light kisses to Levi’s ass cheeks. “I’ve always liked to think of myself as an ass man.”

 

Levi watches with hooded eyes as Erwin pulls open a drawer to extract a bottle of lube. It’s new, fresh and unopened. Levi swallows at the pang of relief that suddenly floods his heart. Erwin’s a handsome man; he’s probably had some movie stars or models in this bed before. He shouldn’t be jealous.

 

“You’re tensing up,” Erwin murmurs, stroking a hand along his side. “What can I do to make it easier?”

 

Levi turns on his side and buries his face into Erwin’s chest. “Hold me, you fucking bastard. And don’t stare at my asshole with those freakishly blue eyes of yours.”

 

“Aw, someone likes to cuddle.” Erwin sounds delighted. He coats his fingers in lubricant before reaching down to stroke Levi’s opening. He uses his other arm to draw Levi closer, lube-free fingers idly stroking through the other man’s dark hair. “Take a deep breath now.”

 

As Levi exhales, he feels Erwin’s finger enter him up to the first knuckle. It’s not painful, but it feels strange. He keeps himself steady, synchronising his breathing with Erwin’s as a means of calming himself. “Okay?” Erwin asks, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I’m going to go in all the way now.”

 

Levi squirms as Erwin pushes the entire digit in, completely unfamiliar with the stretch that was starting to burn a bit. It feels odd to have someone poking around inside him; Levi assumes Erwin is fumbling around for his prostate. The senator is quick to abandon the idea, though. Instead, he carefully slips in a second finger, which causes Levi to bite back a pained moan. “It hurts like fuck, you big dick!”

 

“It’s not going to get any easier for awhile, my darling,” Erwin replies apologetically. “But if you just hang on for a bit longer, I will guarantee you the pleasure that you have so been looking forward to.”

 

Levi wills his body to calm down. Erwin is carefully stretching him by moving his fingers in a scissoring manner. Levi really has no idea how his monster cock is going to fit in that tiny, tiny hole. His suspicions, however, are thwarted when he feels himself loosening up due to Erwin’s patient ministrations.

 

“Good boy.” Erwin presses a rewarding kiss to his brow. “I’d probably have to go up to four fingers to get you ready for the girth of my penis, but that might be too much for you—”

 

“Skip the fingers and just fuck me already,” Levi grunts. “I am officially as hard as a rock down here, and if we play by your rules, the only way I’m allowed to cum is by means of your cock. Stick it in me, and we’ll both get what we want in the best way possible.”

 

Erwin ignores him, though. He presses in again, this time with three fingers, and it hurts like nothing has ever hurt before. Levi’s just about to try and push Erwin off him when the senator’s fingers touch something in him that made him want to sing. Noticing his reaction, Erwin smirks and pushes in again, hitting that spot ever so sweetly.

 

“Jesus Christ!” Levi moans. “Do that again, Erwin. It feels so fucking—unghhh— _great_.”

 

His nails dig into Erwin’s skin, leaving small half-moon marks that will be well-concealed by the suits the senator is so fond of donning. He tries to stifle his cries, but Erwin tears his hand away from his mouth and brings it to his lips instead, bright blue eyes boring into Levi’s darker ones as he continues to bring him pleasure. Overwhelmed, Levi draws him in for another torrid kiss, tearing his lips away in time to draw a deep breath as he comes all over Erwin’s stomach. Not one to be outdone, he quickly moves down to take Erwin’s cock into his mouth as a form of thanksgiving. He moans happily as Erwin fists his hands into his hair, holding his head steady as he fucks Levi’s mouth.

 

“God, it’s like you don’t even have a gag reflex,” Erwin grunts. “I could fuck that throat of yours as hard as I could and you’d take me in all the way.”

 

Levi sucks with vigour, only relaxing when he feels Erwin stiffen and come down his throat. His germophobic instincts are pushing him to spit out the senator’s release, but he stifles the urge and swallows instead, enjoying how Erwin’s eyes glaze over at the very sight.

 

“Come here,” Erwin says roughly, drawing him up for another kiss. “You were absolutely wonderful.”

 

“You didn’t get to fuck me, though,” Levi mumbles, trying not to snuggle against Erwin. “I had been looking forward to it since this morning.”

 

“We have more than enough time for all this,” Erwin assures him. “For now, I want you to get some rest. When you’re up and about, I’m going to run a bath. We can order pizza after.”

 

Levi wants to complain about taking a nap while dirty, but what’s left of his energy dictates otherwise. He folds himself against Erwin like a pretzel, and falls asleep within minutes. 


	9. Sorting Out the Kinks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't updated in ages, but I somehow managed to churn this entire thing out in two days. That's what happens when you're inspired, I suppose. Also, I've been struggling with ways on how to end it, but I've finally figured out what I feel fits best, so this should be close to being finished. 
> 
> Perhaps two to three chapters more?

“What does the ‘at sign’ in a chemical formula symbolize?”

 

Levi lets out a string of throaty curses, fisting the sheets as he tries to impale himself further on Erwin’s fingers. His face nearly burns with shame at the sight of his schoolbooks spread out across the bed, but the hedonist in him is claiming otherwise. He’s just about to snap at Erwin for being so goddamn slow when he feels a stinging pain strike his backside.

 

“You didn’t answer my question, Levi,” Erwin says calmly. He peers up at Levi from behind the sheaf of papers in his hand. “I was asking what the ‘at sign’ symbolizes.”

 

“It indicates an atom or molecule that is caged, but not chemically bound to it,” Levi grunts breathlessly. “Now, will you stop grilling me about my examinations and get right to the fingering?”

 

Another slap. “You’re the one who asked for assistance in revising for your exams, remember? I’m just providing you with some incentives just so you don’t abandon your studies in lieu of sex.”

 

“Well, your so-called incentives are just as sexual as any kind of sex!” Levi shoots back. “And I answered that question correctly, so you have to give me another finger.”

 

“Levi, I’ve only five fingers,” Erwin hums, sounding amused. “You have over thirty questions on this reviewer. I might just have to fuck you for a job well done.”

 

“Yeah?” Levi tries not to sound too hopeful.

 

“Someday,” Erwin chides him. “But not today—no, not yet.”

 

Levi groans in frustration. The twist of Erwin’s fingers in him is more than capable of distracting him, though. “We won’t be seeing each other for a week and still you won’t fuck me!’

 

“Forgive me if I want our first time to be a little more special,” Erwin responds. “It’s going to be busy at the office this week, so I won’t have time to see you. I’ll probably be spending most of my nights there for the meantime. You, on the other hand, should utilise the time to concentrate on your studies.”

 

“Haven’t picked up a book without your tongue in my ass for ages,” Levi grunts. “How do you expect me to study now when I’ve developed a sex-oriented Pavlovian reaction to my schoolbooks?”

 

“You’ll get by,” Erwin chides him. “You’re very good at that.”

 

“Maybe I’ll even get my life back on track,” Levi muses. “You’ve messed me up inside-out, Erwin Smith.”

 

Erwin’s fingers still inside him. “Now that’s a thought.”

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

One week turns into two, and Levi finds himself completely on edge at the lack of contact.

 

“I think I’m turning into a needy housewife slut.”

 

He has never been one who was afraid to speak his mind, but being honest is ten times easier when he’s within the confines of Hange Zoe’s office. Initially, he’d gone to see her with great reluctance, but the scheming bitch often had good answers ready for him.

 

“A what, now?” Hange asks archly. “It’s been awhile. Maybe you just miss him? I don’t see anything too wrong with that. Doesn’t that blond beefcake like to shower you with his fucked-up idea of affection by sexting you dirty nothings all afternoon?”

 

“He hasn’t been sexting me lately, thank you very much,” Levi grunts. “It’s actually a good thing; he’s got better things to do than to sit at his fucking desk all day long asking me how my day went. He’s a dog of the State—there is much to be done.”

 

“And you’re angry because you actually miss the attention,” Hange quips. “You two should start talking again; you’ve done nothing lately but growl at me. If you could pass on a message, do let him know that I’m really digging his bid on the healthcare policy they’re proposing. If it makes the vote—and it should—more Americans are going to have access to reliable healthcare.”

 

“He’s a good man,” Levi mutters, almost contemplatively. “Too good of a man, even. He really shouldn’t be wasting time on a kid like me. Men like him should go find pretty wives and cough up perfect spawn.”

 

“I don’t understand what it is you want from him,” Hange remarks. “I think he himself is having the same problem. He pays attention to you, and you start brushing him off. He leaves you alone, and you start pining deep down inside even if your face says you don’t give a fuck. You really need to make up your mind, Levi. A relationship can’t work if it’s going in different directions.”

 

“I’m pissed because shacking up with him is making me so fucking emotional,” Levi scowls. “I’ve never really been like this over someone before. There are days when I feel like it’s time to throw in the towel, but he’s so… _addictive_. It’s like he’s somehow ingrained himself into my skin. And when I let myself settle into it, I don’t hate it that much.”

 

“So give it a chance,” Hange urges him. “Give whatever it is that’s blossoming between the two of you a chance. Maybe it’s the kind of love that’s not meant to last forever, but while it’s there, it’d be foolish not to heed it. A couple of months ago, you wanted to learn about love. Now, it’s finally within your reach.”

 

“…I have to go.”

 

Levi grabs his backpack and hightails out of Hange’s office. So far, it has been the strangest (and most pleasurable) week of his life. He’s been sticking to his regimen of taking down notes and going to see Hange after each encounter with the senator, but the ball game has changed without him really noticing it. His notes are slowly beginning to resemble diary entries and his counselling sessions are moving into dangerous emotional territories. When they’d first met, he thought that he would simply be Erwin Smith’s flavour of the month—and he had been more than fine with that. It wasn’t everyday that one would have the opportunity to experiment with sex by sucking a handsome politician’s dick. But Erwin Smith was brilliant. And there was nothing Levi liked more than smarts and a giant dick. Despite all the fumbling around they’d been doing, Erwin, for some reason, was still holding off on the fucking.  

 

It was a mystery Levi was yet to solve.

 

It is also one he must put on hold at the moment, as he is running late for an early dinner with Petra, who he hasn’t seen in ages. She was very understanding whenever he begged off for academic reasons, but he doesn’t think she’d take it very well if she knew he’d been reciting his formulas while Erwin Smith fingered his ass. To be fair to him, screwing around had been beneficial to his studies. He’d been able to recall the structure of the methane molecule because Erwin had been licking his asshole while he was looking that up.

 

Still, he really wants to know why Erwin won’t fuck him yet. Perhaps that should be his new quest; he needs to get away from the subject of love for awhile.

 

He’s just about to cut through the courtyard to head to the train station when he hears Armin Arlelt yell his name. Puzzled, he stops and waits for the other boy to catch up.

 

“What can I do for you, Arlelt?”

 

“Hi, Levi!” Armin skids to a stop right in front of him. “I just wanted to remind you that your part of the report for philosophy class is due tonight. Can you make it?”

 

“Of course,” Levi replies. “Heading off to see my sister, but I should be back just in time to get it to you.”

 

“Great!” Armin beams, and then falls silent. “Uhm, Jean told me that you were seeing someone. An older man. He’s never actually seen the man, but he sees the really expensive car that you get into sometimes after school, so he made his own assumptions. I’m not judging you or anything, alright? I just…want you to be careful. Things can get messed up pretty quickly when people aren’t.”

 

Levi’s shoulders sag a bit. “Yeah. I know what you mean.”

 

“There you go.” Armin reached out to pat his shoulder, shooting him a tremulous smile. “Well, I have to go. Jean’s waiting, and he’s not very famous for his patience. I’ll wait for the report, yeah?”

 

Levi doesn’t even have time to respond before Armin races back across the courtyard to where his horseface boyfriend is standing. Levi watches as the blond stands on his tiptoes to give Kirschtein a kiss. It bothers him a little at how some people are allowed to easily express their affections in public when others are forbidden it. He tries to imagine himself running towards Erwin to greet him with a kiss, but the image doesn’t quite fit right. They can never become whatever it is that Jean and Armin are.  

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

“You’re quiet tonight.” Petra’s tone is laced with concern. “Usually, you sit there and curse your mouth off whenever I ask you about something that irritates you. I noticed that you’ve barely touched your food and merely respond with a grunt when I ask about something that gets a bit of a rise out of you.”

 

“I’m just not very hungry tonight,” Levi lies. He's just sent his part of the report to Armin. Just like everything else that has been happening in his life lately, he remains unsatisfied with the results. 

 

“Alright, then.”

 

Levi knows Petra can tell that he’s lying. His heart clenches a bit at the sad look on his sister’s face, and he struggles to make amends.

 

“Look, it’s not about you, okay? I like you just as I’ve always liked you—you’re my sister and nothing’s going to change that. It’s just that I’ve…gotten myself into some questionably deep shit lately, and I don’t know how to crawl out of it. Right now, I can still do it, but a bigger part of me doesn’t want to.”

 

“You’re enjoying being in trouble?” Petra asks, confused.

 

Levi rakes a hand through his hair and chuckles wryly. “Yeah, you can say that. I like the shit I’m in. I’m so screwed over but I’m not even half that worried about it.”

 

“Will you feel alright telling me what’s going on, then?” Petra places a hand over his. “You don’t usually confide to anyone, but maybe it’ll help to have someone who knows. I promise I won’t judge you.”

 

“I’ve, uh, been seeing the school counsellor about this, actually,” Levi admits. “She’s been a great help; she doesn’t judge me and gives me the right advice. So, I’m okay.”

 

Petra sighs. “Does this have anything to do with that politician we ran into? Because you never seem to be around anymore, Levi. Have you been spending your days with him?”

 

Levi withdraws his hand. “And what if I am?”

 

“This is a dangerous game you’re playing, Levi!” Petra cries. “If you’re caught, both of you will be ruined. He can lose his job and you? You could lose _everything_.”

 

“Yes I can.” Levi is surprised at how calm he sounds. “I think about it all the time, actually. He’s a right bastard, that Erwin Smith. He knows what’s at stake, but he won’t lift a finger to point the exit to me. We connect, and it’s fucking retarded, but we just do. That’s why I can’t quit him. That’s why I _don’t_ want to quit him.”

 

“As I said before, I don’t really want to intervene,” Petra sighs. “It’s so rare that you get so wrapped up in someone. In fact, I believe it has never happened before.”

 

“It hasn’t,” Levi confirms. “And that’s what’s keeping me interested in finding out the possibilities. When I told you about the first time around, I promised I’d be careful. This time around, I’m afraid I can’t make the same promise. I’m simply in too deep.”

 

“What are you going to do when you get caught?” Petra asks quietly.

 

She says ‘when’, Levi notices, and not ‘if’. He’s uncertain whether this makes him feel relieved or agitated. “…we’ll cross the fucking bridge when we get there. I’m not afraid to get into trouble.”

 

“But you don’t want for _him_ to get into trouble,” Petra clarifies.

 

“Yeah,” Levi grunts. “Something like that. Guy has so much potential that it’s almost sickening. He could even be president someday.”

 

“And you’ll be fine playing the other woman to the country’s future leader?” Levi has never seen Petra look so sad before. “You need to stop, Levi. This isn’t going to be good for either you or him”

 

“Are all of you just going to drive me up the wall today?” Levi rises abruptly and throws his napkin down on the table. “I’m going to go. I don’t want to start yelling at you. Despite what you think, you’re still one of the most important people in my life, and I’m not going to take my frustrations out on you.”

 

Petra does not move to stop him. He fingers the loose change in his pockets and squeezes his eyes shut. Even without looking, he knows it’s just enough to take the subway to Erwin’s apartment. 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

The room is shrouded in darkness when Levi arrives. It should have been the perfect deterrent in any other situation—the spare key hanging from a leather cord around his neck dictates otherwise. He lets himself in, toes his shoes off and carefully sets them down next to one of Erwin’s along the shoe rack. Upon checking, he’s pleased to see that the rest of the pairs are still exactly where he himself had stored them when he had come over to clean. Everything on the coat rack is still in perfect order, and Erwin had finally replaced that ugly welcome mat with the one that Levi had admired at Macy’s. Over the short course of time that they have spent in each other’s company, Erwin’s apartment had turned into a place where Levi felt like he could live in. Erwin had welcomed his neat freak presence into an apartment that had once been as messy as any average bachelor’s pad. They had made exactly one return trip to the manor to pick up some of Erwin’s suits, but they never stayed long enough for Levi to make some new memories in it. Erwin’s apartment, by default, had turned into their fuck nest. Erwin had given him the spare key some weeks ago, but Levi had never dared to enter on his own until today. He wishes he could do a bit of straightening up to pass time, but Erwin had developed a great respect for his knack for extreme order and had always made sure to clean up after himself even on the nights when Levi did not come over.

 

Refusing to be alone with his thoughts, he strides over to the refrigerator with hopes of coming across some ingredients that would permit him to cook up a passable meal.  He scowls upon seeing that it looks freshly disinfected, meaning devoid of food.

 

“Should’ve stopped by the fucking grocery on my way here,” he grunts. “Trust Erwin not to put anything in this damned appliance when I’m not around.”

 

He’s just about to re-tie his laces when the front door opens to reveal a rumpled Erwin Smith, who looks completely surprised to see Levi in his apartment. Levi’s lips begin to curl up in the form of a smirk; he rises to stand on his tiptoes, ready to greet the senator with a kiss. As he leans in closer, he gets a whiff of women’s perfume and stops short. His eyes zero in on an unmistakable lipstick stain on the collar of Erwin’s crisp white shirt, causing him to drop his arms to his sides.

 

“I don’t recall you having a female secretary,” he says coldly. “And even if you did hire a new one in the last two weeks, it’s against the rules to have her lean in so close that you smell entirely of her.”

 

“I don’t recall you being the type to jump to conclusions, Levi,” Erwin responds calmly. “If you must know, I was in close contact with several women because it would be impolite to refuse them dances at a wedding. The lipstick stain was an accident; one of the more flirtatious ones leaned in a little too close, but I was able to stop her in time before any real damage could be done.”

 

“Why the rumpled look, then?” Levi demands. “You’re usually all slicked-back and oh-so-perfect when you’re out in the public eye. Are you sure your hair’s not making like a bird’s nest because some wench was running her fingers through it while you were eating her out?”

 

Erwin gives him a measured look. “And what if she was?”

 

“Then I’ll fucking kill you for being a cheating bastard!” Levi snaps. “You told me we weren’t going to be able to see each other for a week. Guess what? One week turns into two without me receiving any form of communication from you.”

 

“It’s not like you made an effort to reach me, either,” Erwin says evenly. “If you must know, I always make sure I have time to read your messages, Levi. Even if I am swamped with work in the office.”

 

“Well, I’m here now, am I not?” Levi scowls. “Even if you’ve given me permission, I’ve always felt uncomfortable coming here without you. But because I missed you so fucking much, I got over it and went to visit so I could surprise you. In case you haven’t gotten the message, I care about you a lot more than I actually should.”

 

“I decided to distance myself from you because you were making it clear that I messed up your life somehow,” Erwin sighs, his tone slightly more forgiving. “Sometimes, I don’t understand what it is you want from me. This isn’t a serious relationship, but you’ve had me running around in circles since the day we met. There are times when you cling to me so tightly in sleep, but there are also times when you push me away with the pretence of not wanting to complicate matters further. So, let me ask you, Levi, do you wish to put an end to this?”

 

Levi exhales. Here it is—the easy way out. He’d imagined this scenario over and over again, inwardly cringing at how nasty it would go down given both their temperaments. But Erwin is being a gentleman now, giving Levi the option to go without a fight. This way, he will no longer be standing in between Erwin and his career. Things will never blow out of proportion, and Levi can go back to living the way he always has: bored, restless and unhappy.

 

He clenches his fists at his side. “Given your rank and your status in society, you should be the kind of man who marries some perfect chick to have disturbingly perfect kids with. If the world catches wind of you screwing around with some college kid, then you can kiss your career goodbye. As much as I don’t seem to genuinely care about the shit that goes on in your life—even if I really do—I don’t want you to risk losing that hold on politics because I believe in you and in what you stand for. I’m not going to ruin things for you just because we developed a liking for each other.”

 

“But?” Erwin prompts him.

 

“But I fucking _lik_ e you,” Levi blurts out. “My counsellor said I’d be stupid to not give this a chance, and I’m starting to think maybe she’s right even if she’s fucking cuckoo. And I’m going to stop talking right now because you’re _this_ close to blowing me off.”

 

Erwin wraps an arm around him and ducks down for a quick kiss. “I like you, too, Levi. More than you think you know. You will never believe how startlingly relieved I am to know you feel similarly. The fact that you respect me enough as a politician to consider stepping aside for my sake makes me more than delighted to have you as a partner. I can’t promise you an easy relationship, Levi, but trust me when I say that this will be worth it.”

 

“You bastard,” Levi slurs. “You’re so determined to have me that you’re showering me with the blunt, intelligent shit I like hearing from your mouth. You really should recite your one of your speeches while you’re fucking me into the mattress one day—that’d be really hot. If you ever get around to fucking me, that is. Thought you’d decided you liked twats more than arses.”

 

“I’ll take whatever’s part of your package, Levi,” Erwin says with a chuckle. “I won’t resist anymore, though, now that I’m free to monopolise you.”

 

“Mmmm.” Levi rubs his rapidly hardening crotch against Erwin’s leg. “Take me to the bedroom, senator. I kinda like the idea of belonging to someone as powerful and as influential as you.”

 

“I’d like a shower first, though,” Erwin replies. “You might claw my eyes out in bed because I still smell of woman.”

 

Levi untangles himself from the embrace and gently tugs Erwin towards the bathroom. “I’ll scrub you clean from head to toe,” he says with a smirk. “When I’m done with you, it’ll be as if you’ve never touched anyone before me.”

 

“I’m holding you to that,” Erwin murmurs, claiming Levi’s lips in a hard kiss.

 


	10. Crosses They Must Bear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi makes a mad dash to his bedroom and zeroes in on the notebook lying open on his desk. He runs a hand over the page almost lovingly, wondering how a student’s random ramblings from philosophy class created something so wonderful that it was almost unbelievable to begin with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THIS IS THE END. 
> 
> After all these months, I bring you The End. I felt absolutely horrible leaving the story hanging, but real life came crashing in, and I became too busy and rather unmotivated to write. Fortunately, some juju came over me yesterday, and I managed to string together the last bit, although harried.
> 
> Maybe I'll write some more someday.. For now, the Senator, Levi and I bid you adieu.
> 
> Thank you for reading. <3

Levi licks absentmindedly at the blood that is dripping down his lower lip. He never really felt he owed anyone (except maybe Petra) any explanation with regards to his behaviour, but kiss-swollen lips with minor bruising were a bit of a tell-all. He buries his face into the pillows, muttering muffled curses as he feels Erwin bottom out inside him.

 

Getting fucked hurts like a bitch.

 

He clenches his teeth. “Your dick. Is. Too. _Big_.”

 

Erwin hums contentedly. He bucks his hips a little, causing Levi to swat his thigh—which is also massive—in annoyance. “I don’t believe I ever heard you complain about its girth before this.”

 

“That’s because this is the first time you’ve ever shoved your giant dick into my ass,” Levi grunts. He wiggles his ass a little, trying to get used to the feeling of being completely stuffed. “Don’t really blame you for the pain, though—I did look up gay sex on the internet. Of course, their dicks were twigs compared to yours. How’d you even get so big, anyway?”

 

“Genetics, I suppose.” Erwin pulls out halfway, only to sheath himself in full again, startling Levi. He ducks his head and presses a kiss to the boy’s shoulder in apology. “It excites me to feel how tight you are around me, my dear Levi. I’ve had quite a few women before, but none of them can quite compare to this.”

 

“Doesn’t mean I’m going to let you go around sampling other men’s assholes,” Levi scowls, raising his hips to rock against Erwin. “Mmm…it’s starting to sting a bit less now. Quit being so gentle, old man.”

 

Erwin hums thoughtfully. Levi is about to tell him off again when the other man slams back in with a force he wasn’t quite expecting.

 

“Oh, you motherfucker!” he groans, nearly disgusted by how pleasured he sounds. “You just… _hah_ …keep that up and we’ll see where the night takes us.”

 

“It’s going to be a long, long night, then,” Erwin purrs in his ear. “This old man has more than enough stamina to keep his wanton little lover happy.”

 

Levi can’t help but chuckle as he is maneuvered into a sitting position. The angle is glorious from here; Erwin’s dick hits his prostate heavily each time he thrusts in, and he gets to see the handsome senator lose his composure. Levi hasn’t fucked many people in his lifetime, but Erwin Smith has got to have the hottest sex face he has ever seen.

 

“I think I like your sex face almost as much as I like your cock,” he grunts, bouncing down harder to meet Erwin’s thrusts. “Through I’m fucking in love with your giant horse cock, so I shouldn’t even compare.” 

 

“Language, my darling,” Erwin chastises him. He changes the angle a bit to hit something particularly sensitive in Levi, who manages to gasp out a string of curses. “I can’t have my future First Lady making public appearances with such a potty mouth.”

 

“Can’t fucking have me ‘round ya if you do decide to run for President,” Levi rasps. “They’ll want a pretty blond wife and two pretty blonde kids hanging off each of your arms—oh _fuck_! Do that again, wontcha? There’s no place in White House Suburbia for the future President’s filthy little whore.”

 

A harsh cry escapes his lips when Erwin pulls out of his arse. The senator pins Levi’s wrists to the flat of the bed with one of his hands as he uses the other to guide his cock back in. “I’m not going to let _anything_ happen to you, Levi,” he says quietly. His eyes are a cold, piercing blue in the dark. “I know I may not sound that I have thought any of this through, but you are the first person I’ve had a real connection to in a long time, and I am not going to let you slip through my fingers.”

 

“Is this what a man of power does?” Levi grabs Erwin’s face and pulls him in for a messy kiss, all teeth and tongues and saliva (which he’d rather not think about, but whatever). “Are you going to keep me chained to your side as if you own me so I can never leave you? Because that shit’s kinda sexy.”

 

“Trust me,” Erwin murmurs. “And now, come for me.”

 

Levi wraps his arms around Erwin’s neck, letting his nails dig into his lover’s skin. And as he surrenders himself to that long-awaited orgasm, he lets himself believe in this man and all his promises. 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

“I had sex,” is the first thing Levi blurts out when we walks into Hange’s office two days later.

 

“Good for you!” she exclaims. “Did your favourite penis give you mindblowing pleasure?”

 

Levi shoots her a withering look. “Of course it did. Erwin’s cock is the best cock.”

 

“But there’s still something nagging you,” Hange remarks, “which is probably why you’re here again today.” She sets her papers aside. “I’m all ears, kiddo.”

 

“I think he could possibly love me,” Levi says quietly. “The old man didn’t say it out loud, but I could hear it in everything else he said. And that first fuck? Didn’t feel like just a fuck. It felt like…something else.”

 

Hange smiles. “Like making love?”

 

“Don’t use those words!” Levi snaps. He’s aware of how flushed he is. “Romanticized shit like that messes everything up. I don’t even know what to do anymore.”

 

“Levi, you’ve been looking for love all this time,” Hange murmurs. “I know that this is playing out like some soap opera that you might find lame, but this could very well be your real chance at love. You’re young, so it might not be your only shot, but Erwin Smith could make a nice first.”

 

Levi thinks about it. He’ll continue on as Erwin’s dirty little secret; they’ll meet up periodically to have some amazing sex, and come morning, they’ll be strangers again. It could go on for awhile. One day, real life will catch up, and then they’ll both realise that it’s becoming too difficult to maintain the façade. Erwin’s going to tell him over breakfast or whatever godforsaken meal of the day that they need to stop seeing each other because he needs to do what is expected of him as a servant of the law. They’ll say their quiet goodbyes, and all Levi will ever see of Erwin Smith is his smiling face on television. Someday, he’ll announce his engagement to some annoyingly perfect chick, and the world will celebrate their union while Levi plows on, insignificant and unremembered.

 

In hindsight, it hurts more than it should.

 

He turns on his heel and leaves, ignoring Hange’s cry of surprise. He runs and he runs until he reaches the football field’s bleachers, where he whips out his journal to write down one sentence:

 

_Is it even possible to mend an anticipated broken heart?_

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

He ignores Erwin’s texts and calls for the next few days. He buries himself into his schoolwork and forces himself to hang out with his friends, laughing at jokes he doesn’t even find funny or eating burgers that taste like cardboard in his mouth. He knows he can opt out of whatever is developing between Erwin and himself before he actually gets hurt, but there had been too many good memories in the short span of time that they’d been together. Levi refuses to romanticize the situation, but whenever he looks back on the first night he spent in Erwin’s bed, he thinks of that promise, and it becomes enough to keep him hoping. 

 

“You should talk to the senator,” Petra tells him over a dinner of homemade stir-fry. “You’re no pleasure to be around when you’re moping. And when you are, it’s usually because you fought with him.”

 

“Well, there’s no fight going on right now.” Levi is spearing his vegetables with an almost savage fervour. “Or there wasn’t, and I made one happen because I’m shit at being part of this non-relationship.”

 

“He’s been trying to talk to you all week,” Petra points out. “Sweetie, I don’t think we’re talking about a non-relationship at all here.”

 

“That’s probably because I went all MIA on him after a night of really hot sex,” Levi mutters. “Basically, I just ruined everything. _Again_.”

 

“And he’s probably not ready to break up with you,” Petra argues. “Based on the way he’s acting, he believes that all of this is worth saving. He _like_ s you, Levi.”

 

Levi suddenly finds his carrot slices very interesting. “I told my guidance counsellor that he might even love me.”

 

Petra stares at him. “Then that solves everything, right?”

 

“Nope, it adds a fuckton of problems to the situation!” Levi snaps. “I don’t know how many times I’m going to have to say that a US senator cannot get caught hooking up with a dude!”

 

“I think it would have been a better idea to ask the man in question himself.”

 

Levi whips around in his seat at the sound of the all-too familiar voice. Erwin Smith is leaning against the doorframe, his expression inscrutable.

 

“Sorry,” Petra says quietly. “He called me up earlier today, and after hearing what he had to say, I agreed to participate in his plan. Making sure you came over for dinner was the only way I could get you to talk to him. So, yes, the stir-fry was the bait.”

 

She leaves the kitchen before Levi can scream at her for being a traitor. Being in Erwin’s presence, though, has robbed him of words. There really is no running from this now.

 

“I’ve noticed you’re rather prickly,” Erwin sighs. “You run away when I leave you alone, and yet you run away still when I profess my love. I’m tired of playing these games, Levi. I’d like to hear you out so I know what direction I’m supposed to take.”

 

“So if I tell you to leave you’re just going to hightail it outta here?” Levi demands. “Are you going to go without a fight the moment I shove you away because you’d believe me if I say I’d be better off without you? Because it is _not_ fucking true, damnit!”

 

“Then tell me what’s wrong!” Erwin shouts. “All I want is for us to be happy, Levi. That’s what I wanted from the moment I decided you could be the only one I’d love this way!”

 

“You don’t know that, Erwin.” Levi laughs. It’s a hollow, pained sound. “You could be saying it now, but that can change. If and when the public finds out you’re screwing some uni kid, you’re not gonna enjoy reading what shit the fucking paps are gonna write about you. And I’m going to enjoy it even less. I can’t hurt you, Erwin. Seeing you lose what you’ve worked so hard for would kill me.”

 

“Then don’t go,” Erwin pleads. “Losing you would kill _me_.”

 

Levi finds himself unable to breathe. “Do you love me that much, Erwin Smith? Do you love me enough to risk your career, your reputation and your future?”

 

“Yes.” Erwin’s gaze is unwavering. “Yes, I do.”

 

“Okay,” Levi exhales. He rakes his hands through his hair. “Okay. Can you just…sit down for a moment? I need to show you something.”

 

“Alright,” Erwin agrees. “I’ll be right here, Levi.”

 

Levi makes a mad dash to his bedroom and zeroes in on the notebook lying open on his desk. He runs a hand over the page almost lovingly, wondering how a student’s random ramblings from philosophy class created something so wonderful that it was almost unbelievable to begin with.

 

“Things like this don’t just happen to people.”

 

He snaps it shut and carries it back down to Erwin, who looks so comfortable on the living room sofa that it makes Levi want to tear his heart out. “I want you to read whatever shit I wrote here,” he says gruffly. “Don’t say anything until you’ve reached the last page. I’m, uh, going to go watch some TV while waiting. It’d be fucking awkward to sit here while you pry into my deepest thoughts.”

 

He walks into the kitchen and switches on the telly. Petra must have been watching something before dinner because it flicks open to some chick flick. Levi tries his darndest to concentrate on what the bawling blond girl is saying to her boyfriend, but he’s too busy thinking of what he wrote and what Erwin might think of what he wrote. It’s no literary work, but there’s a lot there about Erwin, and some of it is kinda fucking embarrassing. It’s not like he was mooning or anything, but it could very well translate to something along the lines of lovestruck in Levi language. Onscreen, Blondie is clinging to her boyfriend’s jacket, screaming for him not to leave.  Levi decided he can’t take any of it anymore, so he changes the channel. He’s no big fan of sports, either, but anything is better than having to listen to crying actresses.

 

He’s tempted to storm back into the living room to tell Erwin to hurry the fuck up.

 

“So, all this time you were here looking for love.”

 

Erwin takes the seat next to Levi. He’s cradling the notebook in his hands as if it’s something precious.

 

“Everyone else in school was mooning about it, and I couldn’t understand why,” Levi admits. “So I started going to counselling, and Hange—my counsellor—told me I should go on a journey of my own. She said it might lead me to understand why everyone wants to fucking fall in love. Obviously, all my shit experiments led me to you. I guess I could have done worse.”

 

Erwin smiles. “Levi, it was an honour to have been chosen.” He reaches out and clasps their hands together. Levi likes how the senator’s hand dwarfs his own. “It would be an even greater honour if you let me stay on. I’m well-aware that it’s not going to be a walk in the park for us, but we could at least give it a go. We’ve done well so far; all we need to do is keep it up. I’m not going to make a spectacle by professing my love for you on national television because you’d probably shoot me before any other damage can be done. Can we just play it by ear before we decide it’s not going to work?”

 

“So you’re gonna be real about it, huh?” Levi says quietly. ”That’s…good. Though I can’t say it doesn’t hurt. It’s never fun being someone’s dirty little secret.”

 

“I know.” Erwin cups his face with his hands and kisses him. “I know. But we’ll try, okay?”

 

Something crumbles inside Levi. He wraps his arms around Erwin’s neck and holds him close. “Okay,” he whispers. “If you’re willing to try, then I am, too. I believe in you.”

 

He doesn’t dare say that his heart swells with promise whenever he looks into Erwin’s eyes, so he settles for kissing him instead.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

**EPILOGUE**

Sometimes, Levi wakes up in the morning feeling afraid that it’s all going to end. He’s afraid that he’ll switch on the television to find grainy images of Erwin and himself along with nasty headlines, but they’ve managed to steer clear of the paps so far. He figures his new position as Erwin’s campaign manager is helping their cover, and any intimate dinner would simply come off to the public as a secret plot to groom Erwin Smith to be the country’s best bet for the vice presidency. Much to his surprise, everything has been working out decently. He really doesn’t want to jinx anything by hoping for more.

 

“Strong as fuck, just the way you like it.” He sets a mug of steaming hot coffee in front of Erwin, who smiles and kisses his hand in return. “I wouldn’t know what to do without you, my darling,” the senator murmurs.

 

“Nah, you’d mess up your entire schedule,” Levi retorts in good humour. “Speaking of which, you need to get your ass out of that chair now if you want to make it to your announcement of candidacy in time. Your adoring public may not scold you for being late, but I certainly will.”

 

“I’m going, I’m going,” Erwin says with a chuckle. “I’ll take the coffee with me so I can finish it off after my shower. You up to joining me?”

 

“I already went,” Levi replies. “As much as I’d love for you to fuck me against the tiles, we’re never going to get out of the shower in time. Now, you go be a good politician and stick to the schedule.”

 

Erwin’s laugh rings throughout their flat as he makes his way to the master bath. As usual, Levi’s heart swells a little at the sound. In the few years that he’s been with Erwin, he’s become a bit of a romantic in private. Ever since he’d agreed to give their relationship a go, he’s been nothing but happy. Today is extra special, though. He’s finally going to see Erwin take a big step forward in his career, and he feels absolutely no shame in playing the role of the proud partner.

 

Instead of a detriment, he’s become an asset. It’s more than he could have ever asked for.

 

He’s got no time to mull over it, though. There are a million things to be done. Just before he calls in the rest of the team, he fingers the ring in his pocket for luck, and smiles to himself.

 

_I love him_ , he thinks. _And I’m going to ask him to marry me today_.


End file.
